


Handprint Meta

by mittensmorgul (MittenWraith)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Mittensmorgul Blog, Archived From Tumblr, M/M, Meta Essay, Nonfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 17:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 19,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16937706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MittenWraith/pseuds/mittensmorgul
Summary: Meta archived from my tumblr on the subject of Dean's handprint scar, shoulder touches, and handprint imagery in general. I have flailed about this a lot over the years...





	1. Chapter 1

Originally posted September 25, 2015 as a response to this post: <http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/129854802925/elizabethrobertajones-jellyfishline-am-i-the>.

 

I, too, get emotional about the handprint. If I’m not mistaken (and please correct me if I am), after 5.22, the next time we see Dean’s naked shoulder is in 7.13 The Slice Girls, when he (oopsie) has a one night stand with an Amazon. (even the scene where he’s in bed with Lisa in 6.01 he’s wearing a shirt).

We’ve seen multiple characters brought back from the dead, and none of them got freaky handprint grace burns from it, so that implies that the handprint was special. Unique. Whatever power it took Castiel to pull Dean’s slowly twisting soul from Hell and reassemble his corpse clearly had some unexpected (and possibly unintended) consequences.

I pretty much agree with Lizbob’s conclusions that the “wound” was probably painful at first. Dean hissed and gingerly rolled up his sleeve in that gas station trying to get his first look at it. He was also convinced at that point that it was the mark of a powerful demon who grabbed on and rode him out of Hell. Even when confronted with the truth, he spends a long time in denial/disbelief/wtf-land. Because he is Dean Winchester, to whom good things don’t just happen (to be fair, he’s pretty justified in this belief in retrospect, considering what the angels had planned for him).

But slowly, his relationship with Cas changes. *seven seasons of character development.gif*

The red roughness of the scar may have faded, but in my mind, every time we get a look at Dean’s shoulder I imagine there’s still a slightly discolored patch in the shape of Cas’s hand. Because even thought that may not have been the original intent behind the scar, that’s what it has come to mean: That this man who believed in nothing, prayed to no one, and felt worthy of no praise was deemed worthy to be rescued from Hell. Cas may have been under orders, and Dean may have been rescued to fulfill his destiny to end the world, but when he said NO to that destiny, he managed to convince that angel that humanity was worth saving, and that he didn’t need to keep following orders when he believed those orders were wrong. To me, that’s when it became clear that not only had Cas touched Dean’s soul in Hell, but Dean’s soul touched him back. Ah, remember S3 Dean mocking Sam about praying? And now Dean prays to Cas ALL THE TIME? They’ve each changed the other, and it all started with that handprint.

They began affecting each other from the moment they met, and to me the handprint has always symbolized THAT. I don’t see it as some sort of romantic claiming in the least. It’s literally a symbol of the bond they share, because when push comes to shove, all the cards are laid on the table, they’ll always choose to stand together. I am compelled to add the caveat: barring them being influenced by outside supernatural forces, i.e. being possessed by leviathan, swayed by Naomi’s brainwashing, and warped by the Mark of Cain. Then again, NONE of those things (even a DIRECT ORDER from Naomi) was enough for either of them to end the other’s life. Something subtle and unseen connects them, and we’re given hints of it in scenes like those. The handprint, for me, is just a visual reminder of that connection.

My first thought on watching 7.13 was HEY WHERE’S THE HANDPRINT?! So I assumed I missed something SOMEWHERE, and after much pining and research, ultimately discovered it was missing because OOPSIE the makeup department forgot to put it on that day. Since I don’t think an accidental omission by the makeup department should be allowed to alter canon in that significant a fashion, I’ve chosen to ignore the fact that we can’t really see it, and like Lizbob believe it’s still there but faded out the way all old scars fade. 

  

  * [spn 4.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.01) 
  * [spn 7.13](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-7.13) 
  * ,[spn 5.22](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-5.22) 
  * [spn meta-ish attached to much better meta](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-meta-ish-attached-to-much-better-meta) 
  * [oh the handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-the-handprint)
  * [because the handprint disappearing without explanation still irks me to this day](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/because-the-handprint-disappearing-without-explanation-still-irks-me-to-this-day) 
  * [but that wasn't just a handprint it was a mark on dean's soul](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-that-wasn%27t-just-a-handprint-it-was-a-mark-on-dean%27s-soul) 
  * [in every canon fic i write the handprint is still there](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/in-every-canon-fic-i-write-the-handprint-is-still-there) 
  * [*these were all tags i have used before please don't judge me too harshly*](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/%2Athese-were-all-tags-i-have-used-before-please-don%27t-judge-me-too-harshly%2A) 
  * [i have an awful lot of thoughts about that damn handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/i-have-an-awful-lot-of-thoughts-about-that-damn-handprint) 
  * [I have a queue set to run after I publish my dcbb on October 1 of posts that remind me of that story](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/I-have-a-queue-set-to-run-after-I-publish-my-dcbb-on-October-1-of-posts-that-remind-me-of-that-story) 
  * [and I was REALLY tempted to add this post to that queue](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/and-I-was-REALLY-tempted-to-add-this-post-to-that-queue) [but I couldn't wait that long to post it ](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-I-couldn%27t-wait-that-long-to-post-it-%28pffft-6-days-is-SOOOOO-LONG%21%29)
  * [(pffft 6 days is SOOOOO LONG!)](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-I-couldn%27t-wait-that-long-to-post-it-%28pffft-6-days-is-SOOOOO-LONG%21%29) 
  * [pffft dcbb stuff and things adjacent](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/pffft-dcbb-stuff-and-things-adjacent) 
  * [which is just my tag for strange posts that make me think of Revenge of the Subtext](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/which-is-just-my-tag-for-strange-posts-that-make-me-think-of-Revenge-of-the-Subtext) 
  * [reven](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/revenge-of-the-subtext)[ge of the subtext](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/revenge-of-the-subtext) 
  * [this isn't really a spoiler for RotS because i've never tried to hide my theories about the handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-isn%27t-really-a-spoiler-for-RotS-because-i%27ve-never-tried-to-hide-my-theories-about-the-handprint) 
  * [BUT I HAVE SO MANY FEEEEEELINGS ABOUT IT](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/BUT-I-HAVE-SO-MANY-FEEEEEELINGS-ABOUT-IT) 
  * [sorry to the op but to me dean's initial response to the scar aside his feelings toward it evolved the same way his feelings toward cas did](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/sorry-to-the-op-but-to-me-dean%27s-initial-response-to-the-scar-aside-his-feelings-toward-it-evolved-the-same-way-his-feelings-toward-cas-did) 
  * [i'm not sure if he ever saw it as a mark of his time IN hell](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/i%27m-not-sure-if-he-ever-saw-it-as-a-mark-of-his-time-IN-hell) [but as a mark of that time being FINISHED](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-as-a-mark-of-that-time-being-FINISHED) [gosh i have so much more to say about this but a tag rant probably isn't the best forum for it pffft](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/gosh-i-have-so-much-more-to-say-about-this-but-a-tag-rant-probably-isn%27t-the-best-forum-for-it-pffft)




	2. Chapter 2

[Oct 7, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/151479824525/okay-so-i-thought-the-profound-bond-thing-was)

16 notes

**Anonymous asked: Okay so I thought the profound bond thing was because Cas pulled Dean from hell but now while rewatching I just realised (it's only my second watch) Cas says that after he's also pulled Sam from the cage or whatever. So, what's this profound bond all about?**

I know, right? WHAT IS THE DEAL HERE?!

Well, let’s start at the beginning…

Dean and Sam both spent time in Hell, but Dean’s time there was very different from Sam’s. Dean’s physical human body never went to Hell, but Sam jumped bodily into the cage, dragging Lucifer and Michael with him. That alone would likely make their resurrections very different things.

Dean’s soul spent 30 Hell years on the rack being tortured before he broke and got up to start torturing others. Sam’s body only spent a day in the cage, and we know his SOUL remained there far longer.

When Cas plucked Dean out of the torture chamber, he was likely pretty far down the road toward demonization. Who knows how long it took Cas to restore his soul to its shiny pre-Hell state? What was that process like? How did it affect both Dean’s soul and Cas as a wavelength of celestial intent? Healing his body and then reuniting it with Dean’s soul? How carefully and exactingly did Cas have to understand Dean in order to get it all right?

With Sam, Cas didn’t even realize at first that he’d left some crucial part of Sam behind in the cage when he shuttled Sam’s body back to Earth. He wasn’t aware that he’d even needed to reunite Sam’s body with his soul, since he’d gone into the cage intact, you know?

It seems that Cas disobeyed orders to bring Sam back, dropped him of in front of where he knew Dean was, thinking he’d finished his job before rushing back to Heaven to deal with his Raphael Problem™. Cas had thought it was a milk run, an easy-peasy job.

In the long run, it was Death who handled the return of Sam’s soul. It was Death who did what he could to heal Sam from the damage he suffered in Hell and lock the rest away behind the wall.

The handprint Cas left on Dean sort of symbolized (to me, amongst other things…) the completion of Cas’s task, the “lock and key” as it were where Dean’s soul had been sealed back into his body.

Sam said that he’d been praying to Cas since he’d been back and that Cas had never answered, right? Well, what if Cas hadn’t been able to HEAR Sam’s prayers, because he lacked a soul? Somehow I think that’s the moment Cas started wondering if there really was something wrong with Sam, and started trying to puzzle out what that might be, and of course internalizing the guilt for that… just adding it to the pile of guilt he was already operating under during the war in Heaven, his shady deal with Crowley, and everything else.

But yeah, he definitely recognized in 6.03 that for reasons he did not yet understand he definitely had a more profound bond with Dean.

 

 Original tags:

  * [Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous) 
  * [spn 6.03](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-6.03) 
  * [oh the handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-the-handprint) [l](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/look-at-all-this-profound-bonding%21-%3AD)
  * [ook at all this profound bonding! :D](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/look-at-all-this-profound-bonding%21-%3AD) 
  * [oh DEAN](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-DEAN) 
  * [sam fucking winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/sam-fucking-winchester) 
  * [castiel winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/castiel-winchester) 
  * [for further clarification of my personal headcanons about the handprint and the more profound bond just read Revenge of the Subtext](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/for-further-clarification-of-my-personal-headcanons-about-the-handprint-and-the-more-profound-bond-just-read-Revenge-of-the-Subtext)
  * [that... was actually a tag i already had i'm not pushing my fic on folks but yeah i kinda threw every headcanon i have into that story :P](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/that...-was-actually-a-tag-i-already-had-i%27m-not-pushing-my-fic-on-folks-but-yeah-i-kinda-threw-every-headcanon-i-have-into-that-story-%3AP) 
  * [spn 6.11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-6.11) 
  * [just for the reference to Death and Sam's soul and all that](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/just-for-the-reference-to-Death-and-Sam%27s-soul-and-all-that) 
  * [s](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.01)[pn 4.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.01) 
  * [for the raised from perdition stuff i guess but at this point i'm just throwing random tags around so... :D](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/for-the-raised-from-perdition-stuff-i-guess-but-at-this-point-i%27m-just-throwing-random-tags-around-so...-%3AD)




	3. Chapter 3

 [Aug 25, 2017](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/164599248665/what-do-you-think-of-dean-saying-that-solitary)

40 notes

**Anonymous asked: What do you think of Dean saying that solitary confinement was worse than Hell? I love spn, but the one thing I could never really get over was Dean being in Hell for 40 years. Thats longer than anything he's ever done. I have a hard time believing that a person wouldn't just dissolve into nothing after experiencing that, even Dean. I actually have a headcanon that when Cas rescued Dean, he used part of his Grace to significantly mend Dean's soul, so the impact wasn't nearly so dramatic.**

I’ve actually got a post from back in February titled “[Worse than Hell](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/156728955875/worse-than-hell).”

But beyond that, your headcanon here that Cas used part of his grace to mend Dean’s soul is a pretty common theory, especially in fanfic. It’s often used to explain the handprint (see all my handprint meta tags ever, there’s at least three or four of them, or just search my blog for “handprint.” there’s a lot of posts on the subject).

We also know what Hell does to souls. It literally is what turns them into demons. How far along in the process must Dean have been when Cas rescued him? He’d been tortured for 30 years, and become the torturer for 10. That HAD to cause at least a little damage to Dean’s soul, by the rules of Hell. Yet when Cas returned him to his miraculously perfectly healed body (and I’m pretty sure this was the entire point of the scene in the gas station mirror where Dean examines himself, lifts up his shirt, etc., that it took something extremely powerful to restore his physical body, but also his soul that we couldn’t see).

So yes, a person WOULD just dissolve in Hell, but not into “nothing.” Specifically into demons. And as we know about demons, quoting Cas in 10.03 when he was explaining to Sam why Dean would resist being cured, “You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain. This is easier.” So after a point in Hell, when a soul becomes a demon, it likely gets easier. Hence Dean’s comment to Sam back in s4. Not only did he become the torturer,  _he liked it_. Now that his soul had been restored,  _it upset him that he liked it_. Just like he was “embarrassed” by the things he did during his time as a demon in early s10 once he was cured, you know? Possibly similar to how Sam was horrified upon learning about some of the things he did while soulless after his soul was restored to him.

So the bit about it being Cas’s grace that was the healing factor there is logical (again, see the vast collection of handprint meta on my blog for everything from enraptured squee-flailing over the headcannony sorts of posts, and well-reasoned and logical theories connecting the handprint to the mark left on Aaron Birch’s soul when he sold it to Balthazar in 6.03, to pretty much everything I’ve ever written on angels, souls, the nature of angel grace, etc. I’ve spent five years thinking about this in quite excruciating detail… >.>)

(here have a post where I collected my handprint tags for easy reference: <http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/157167169475/i-dont-know-if-this-interests-you-but-its>)

So I think Dean does have a full recollection of the horrors of what Hell did to him, probably even compounded by his fresh recollection of his time as a literal demon, you know? I don’t think those memories got a fuzzy sort of glow or were tempered into something softer by Cas healing him of that trauma. Part of the point of him going through all of that was to fulfill the prophecy of the apocalypse and prepare him to say Yes to Michael, after all. It would’ve been pointless if he didn’t understand the suffering of souls in Hell. It was supposed to be part of his motivation to let Michael in to defeat Lucifer.

tl;dr: I think Dean fully understood the comparison he was making there. Being isolated for potentially the rest of his natural life, locked in a small concrete box, with  _no point of any kind to that isolation and suffering_ , was worse than Hell. At least the suffering he endured in Hell had a point. It was a willing sacrifice on his part (as I said in that linked post at the top of this rambling reply). :P

 

 

 

 

Original Tags: 

  * [spn 12.09](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-12.09) 
  * [spn 10.03](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-10.03) 
  * [s](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s4)[pn s4](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s4) 
  * [spn 4.11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.11) 
  * [spn 4.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.01) 
  * [oh the handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-the-handprint) 
  * [angels and souls](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/angels-and-souls) 
  * [probably other tags to be named later >.>](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/probably-other-tags-to-be-named-later-%3E.%3E) 
  * [Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous)




	4. Chapter 4

[Jun 5, 2018](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/174605582940/jensen-and-one-of-the-producers-confirmed-that-the)

25 notes

**Anonymous asked: Jensen and one of the producers confirmed that the physical handprint went away (along with any other scars) when Castiel healed Dean for the first time in 5x22, though I'm very sure the soul brand is still there.**

*sighs heavily and rolls over on the floor*

hi yes, I know… but they’ve also confirmed that *whoopsie* the whole reason they had to retcon that was because the handprint got lost in the shuffle during filming (I think it was during 6.03… which was filmed fourth of the season due to Jensen directing 6.04… things were shuffled around a bit during early s6 is what I’m saying, and somehow Jensen didn’t have the handprint applied before filming a shirtless scene… even though it was technically still supposed to be there– hence the retconning).

And if nothing else, despite the retcon, 6.03 demonstrated the angelic brand that still exists on the soul, and I don’t think that’s quite so easily healed over.

But since the handprint disappearing was literally the result of a makeup gaffe, I think I have plenty of space to headcanon that it’s just gone dormant or whatever. I.e., it’s a headcanon that harms no one and changes literally nothing about canon.

From the Superwiki page on [Castiel’s Handprint](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.supernaturalwiki.com%2Findex.php%3Ftitle%3DCastiel%2527s_Handprint&t=NDU1M2YwNWUyYTE0ZGMwZDY2YmM1MDdiZTdjNmEyYmMxYjZmYzgxYSx3clVJQ0JyNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174605582940%2Fjensen-and-one-of-the-producers-confirmed-that-the&m=1):

> When it first appeared absent in [6.03 The Third Man](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.supernaturalwiki.com%2Findex.php%3Ftitle%3D6.03_The_Third_Man&t=OTJlMTMwZWFlYTFjNjBjNDY3YzQyMWJhOTYzZjAwMmRjMWE1M2RkZix3clVJQ0JyNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174605582940%2Fjensen-and-one-of-the-producers-confirmed-that-the&m=1), fans speculated that the scar had been removed when Castiel healed Dean of his wounds at the end of [5.22 Swan Song](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.supernaturalwiki.com%2Findex.php%3Ftitle%3D5.22_Swan_Song&t=MGM2ODE4ZmJiNGY0YWVmMzYwNGRlYmY5M2NlY2IyZGQwZWFhMzljYyx3clVJQ0JyNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174605582940%2Fjensen-and-one-of-the-producers-confirmed-that-the&m=1). Jensen confirmed that this was also his theory at [Salute to Supernatural Nashville 2012](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.supernaturalwiki.com%2Findex.php%3Ftitle%3DSalute_to_Supernatural_Nashville_2012&t=MzMzODY5NjdmNjRjZmE3ZTIzYTc4ZGE0MDE4YzdjOGI0ZTdiMTRkNix3clVJQ0JyNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174605582940%2Fjensen-and-one-of-the-producers-confirmed-that-the&m=1) [source](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D1FUkPFu_624&t=NTNhYjRmYzI3NDJkNzFhZDVmOWI2NDZkZWJkMjVhMWQ0MTAwMDBjZix3clVJQ0JyNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174605582940%2Fjensen-and-one-of-the-producers-confirmed-that-the&m=1).

So… this was actually a con headcanon theory, and not some sort of official statement on the matter anyway.

Here have a good conversation from 2015 on the subject:

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/133734203430/f-ckyeahfutbol-mittensmorgul>

And the nature of angel grace wherein those possessed/affected by an angel still retains a fragment of that angel’s grace like some sort of cosmic residue that can be extracted (via what looks like a really painful needle to the neck) only seems to confirm that this sort of mark on/within a human soul is the natural result of human/angel interaction of this nature. But that’s another series of posts entirely. :P

I’ve now spent a good hour trying to find sources for that assertion that the handprint getting left off in 6.03 was a makeup department oopsie, since it was not only a dream sequence and not reality or a memory, and the next time we saw Dean without a shirt wasn’t until 7.13 and that was the first time we saw his *actual arm* and not a dream of himself… well, I headcanon it was the same as Sam not having his antipossession tattoo during the dream sequence in 12.02 where he was being tortured by Toni Bevell… it wasn’t *real* and not having the tattoo kinda goes to prove that.

Because scars do fade. They don’t always stay red and angry like that, you know? I have a scar on my arm that once looked very much like the texture of the handprint in 4.01, but after 30 years it’s faded to a much flatter, almost-normal-skin tone. And if we can’t see the handprint on Dean’s arm, that’s as good an excuse as any, you know?

 

Original tags: 

  * [spn 4.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.01)
  * [spn 6.03](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-6.03) 
  * [spn 7.13](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-7.13) 
  * [oh the handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-the-handprint) 
  * [angels and souls](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/angels-and-souls) 
  * [on the nature of angel grace](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/on-the-nature-of-angel-grace) 
  * [Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous)



 

[Jun 5, 2018](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/174618828985/hi-i-sent-the-ask-about-the-handprint-being)

17 notes

**Anonymous asked: Hi, I sent the ask about the handprint being healed in 5x22 earlier, I apologise if I came across as rude or anything. I wasn't sure if you knew about that info so I thought I would share it with you just in case, as I only learned about it recently myself. I learned a lot from your answer about the behind the scenes stuff, so I appreciate the thoughtful response, I just wanted to apologise if I came across as rude in my initial ask. I love your blog a whole lot, I hope you have an amazing day!**

Oh gosh, thanks. You too!

I’ve… been here a while. I’ve seen many, many things. And if it’s on the superwiki, I’ve probably seen it. (I’ve had the superwiki open in a tab for like… almost 7 years now). And I know one of the great things about fandom is that there’s always new people showing up and discovering all these things all over again, and it’s spectacular to watch. I mean, even people who’ve been around forever will do a rewatch and find new things to talk about years after the fact.

(also one of my pet projects while watching the TNT loop on a continual basis :P)

It’s always interesting to note recurring themes, past canon that’s become relevant in new ways as the story continues to unfold, and to connect up details that we’ve either forgotten, or to rediscover old conversations about these things that are suddenly relevant or interesting again from a new perspective years down the line.

Don’t ever apologize for bringing something up we may have discussed before, but sometimes I end up going spelunking for ancient meta and then fall down rabbit holes along the way. :P

Funny enough, the post that sparked your first message was something we’d discussed exactly more than three years ago, and I’d just… forgotten about that whole chain of posts until you prompted me to go digging for it. I still can’t find the original post with the info about the makeup department forgetting to apply the handprint in 6.03, and it not even occurring to them to apply it by the time 7.13 rolled around, you know? I mean, we hadn’t even SEEN it since 4.10, I think? Dean just didn’t take off his shirt much. For all we know, it had already started to fade after that and had healed completely by the time 6.03 happened (since that was theoretically more than THREE YEARS (or at least two years, depending on what timeline headcanons you ascribe to) after the handprint first appeared, and 7.13 was more than a year and a half after THAT, which is more than enough time for a scar to fade to something far less noticeable.

I mean, for all we know, angel handprint scars naturally cloak themselves or heal back to perfectly blend in with the skin after a certain period of time. Canon simply hasn’t said anything on the matter. :P

As you may have noticed, you just happened to have tripped across one of my favorite things to think about… which means I tend to just go on and on about it. Which, for the record, I am always more than happy to do. :D

 

 

[oh the handprint](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-the-handprint) [Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous)


	5. Chapter 5

[May 25, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144937275605/about-deans-i-dont-have-a-choice-in-this)

163 notes

About Dean’s “I don’t have a choice,” in this episode versus EVERY OTHER TIME he’s done something without having a choice… because this was decidedly different. And that’s a HUGE deal.

He  _didn’t want to destroy Amara_. He’d been ready to do it because it was the right thing to do, but HE DIDN’T WANT THAT.

He literally DID have a choice. And THAT’S what made all the difference.

All season, from the beginning of 11.01, we’ve been shown that in Amara’s presence, DEAN DID NOT CONTROL HIMSELF. THAT WAS WHEN HE HAD NO CHOICE. His free will was just  _nullified_  in her presence.

And he was the only one who could carry the “bomb” close enough to her, because of their “bond,” to make it an effective threat.

He literally did pull a Cold War Era Nuclear Holocaust game of chicken on her.

Kudos to [@larinah](https://tmblr.co/mIsONy1xJeKnsCBiQikgzfQ) for calling that parallel!

But for the first time EVER, it was FIRMLY 100% HIS CHOICE. It was Dean fully exercising his free will that allowed him to even walk up to her, to  _talk_  to her. And that’s what saved the universe. He used the leverage of that power he carried in his heart, and then Amara brought Chuck in and they finally forgave each other and restored the balance that’s been broken since the beginning of creation. And they did it by joining hands.

The universe has a clean slate now, thanks to Dean’s CHOICE.

 

Original tags:

  * [spn 11.23](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.23) 
  * [spn s11 ](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11-spoilers)
  * [spoilers](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11-spoilers) 
  * [gah i need to watch it again dammit that WAS SO FUCKING GOOD I AM A SQUEE](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/gah-i-need-to-watch-it-again-dammit-that-WAS-SO-FUCKING-GOOD-I-AM-A-SQUEE) 
  * [Grand Unification via Love Theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Grand-Unification-via-Love-Theory) 
  * [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) 
  * [and hands and hearts are part of that i'll just slap it on here anyway](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/and-hands-and-hearts-are-part-of-that-i%27ll-just-slap-it-on-here-anyway) 
  * [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here-have-my-belated-thoughts-on-the-whole-love...-and-love) 
  * [that's what free will is](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/that%27s-what-free-will-is)




	6. Chapter 6

[Oct 8, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/151502323250/so-the-rewatch-with-mr-mittens-might-be-just)

29 notes

So the rewatch with Mr. Mittens might be just about over for now. He goes back to work tomorrow, and he’s already passed out cold tonight…

We did watch 11.09, 11.10, and 11.11 today, and I’m currently (well, I’m halfway through it and stopped to type this) watching 11.13 myself.

I think I might be annoying Mr. Mittens with my constant screaming at the tv. (NO CAS DON’T LISTEN TO HER YOU’RE NOT EXPENDABLE! ROWENA LOVE DOESN’T MAKE YOU WEAK… “VULNERABLE” YES, BUT NOT WEAK… SHIT DEAN YOU ARE VULNERABLE NOT MILDRED BECAUSE IT’S NOT ABOUT HER PHYSICAL HEART CONDITION BUT YOUR EMOTIONAL ONE OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD DEAN FOLLOW YOUR HEART. YES LOVE HURTS BECAUSE IT IS NOT ABOUT CONTROL AND MANIPULATION AND THE QUAREEN ISN’T ABOUT LOVE IT’S A DEATH CURSE NOT A LOVE SPELL DAMMIT)

There’s also been SO MUCH in all of s11 about responsibility and who’s at fault…

Sam tells the woman who cast the “love spell” that was actually a death curse that it was NOT her fault. It was the fault of the witch who lied to her about the spell’s purpose (sort of like how Dean was lied to or manipulated into taking on the Mark). Just like Cas is not to blame for trying to do the right thing by saying yes to Lucifer but he was also manipulated and lied to after having been told he was worse than useless and the fact that he kills angels is one of the NICEST bits of gossip floating around heaven about him.

Rowena had implied to Dean back in 11.03 that it was HIS fault the darkness was released (Rowena: Your eyes, so burdened. What happened precisely when I removed the Mark? The book wasn’t specific. Yes, I read quite a bit of it. What new hell has Dean Winchester released upon the world?) But it was HER spell that released the darkness. Dean wanted to keep it contained. I mean, it wasn’t actually a long-term tenable solution to the mark, but Dean nearly beat Cas to death trying to STOP them from removing the Mark… It’s not exactly Dean’s fault the darkness was released.

It was, however, at least a little bit reasonable to direct some of the blame at Melissa in 11.13. And just like the spell she unknowingly cast, and the monster it conjured, the entire situation there was about manipulation and control; not love. Blargh, I wrote something about this the other day, but having seen all these episodes right in a row really punches this message home, so to speak.

Hi there, evil heart-punching monster!

I forgot how much of the midseason was LITERALLY about hearts. And hands (the handprint in blood on the Impala in 11.04, the bloody handprint shape on the kettle bell weight in 11.07, the bloody handprint on the Banshee’s shoulder in 11.11, the bloody hand-through-the-chest removal of the hearts in 11.13).

And in the very next episode we learn about the Hands of God. It seems like a viable weapon, and somewhere in that run of episodes there seems to be a shift where the hands take center stage and the heart stuff moves to the background, but it’s still very much present. The fact that Dean’s heartbroken to learn about Cas and basically spends every waking moment trying to find a way to save him while Sam’s ostensibly devoted himself to finding a way to “kill” Amara… when the solution wasn’t even theirs to find. They’re not at fault, for any of this. This is all on God. Just like the quareen was all on the witch who controlled it BY KEEPING ITS HEART LOCKED IN A BOX.

It was never about KILLING the Darkness, because she’s NOT a quareen. It was about returning her heart to her. Dean never had it. Amara saw something in Dean that made her THINK he did, but it was only the reflection of Chuck she saw in him and wanted.

Dean was created to house Archangels, Chuck’s brightest lights in all of his creation, but instead had become a vessel for the darkness through the Mark. He represented a little of each of them. And he made them both see it. Like Charlie did, Dean found a way to live with both the light and the dark. Balance. But the “people” truly to blame for all of this finally stepped up.

Okay where did this post go off the rails? *scrolls up to like the third paragraph* whoops.

Yeah, so Mr. Mittens still doesn’t see it, and frankly I’m just about at the point where imma just yell IT’S CAS ALREADY DAMMIT. DEAN IS PINING FOR CAS YOU MORON. *sighs again* *no really i just sighed really loudly and overdramatically*

Okay, going back down to watch the rest of 11.13 now.

 

Original Tags: 

  * [spn 11.11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.11) 
  * [spn 11.13](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.13) 
  * [and hands and hearts are part of that i'll just slap it on here anyway](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/and-hands-and-hearts-are-part-of-that-i%27ll-just-slap-it-on-here-anyway) 
  * [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) 
  * [follow your heart dean](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/follow-your-heart-dean) 
  * [because why not maybe the lock and key are a function of hands and hearts](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/because-why-not-maybe-the-lock-and-key-are-a-function-of-hands-and-hearts) 
  * [huh that tag popped up when i typed in 'hands and hearts' and i wondered where i'd used it before](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/huh-that-tag-popped-up-when-i-typed-in-%27hands-and-hearts%27-and-i-wondered-where-i%27d-used-it-before) 
  * [and it was meta i wrote on my birthday about how all of this must come together including chuck and amara](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/and-it-was-meta-i-wrote-on-my-birthday-about-how-all-of-this-must-come-together-including-chuck-and-amara) 
  * [spn 11.21 aired on my birthday btw so this was just before the episode aired huh](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.21-aired-on-my-birthday-btw-so-this-was-just-before-the-episode-aired-huh) 
  * [Grand Unification via Love Theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Grand-Unification-via-Love-Theory) 
  * [ah my favoritest tag ever](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/ah-my-favoritest-tag-ever) 
  * [oddly enough that old post was also tagged](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oddly-enough-that-old-post-was-also-tagged) 
  * [we need to get all three of that crap](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/we-need-to-get-all-three-of-that-crap) 
  * [okay okay i'm done ranting about it (for now)](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/okay-okay-i%27m-done-ranting-about-it-%28for-now%29) 
  * [eta after all that ranting i forgot the primary tag here:](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/eta-after-all-that-ranting-i-forgot-the-primary-tag-here%3A) 
  * [casual viewer stories with mr mittens](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/casual-viewer-stories-with-mr-mittens)




	7. Chapter 7

[Apr 4, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142255081025/with-all-the-wrong-shoulder-and-related-hand)

8 notes

With all the “wrong shoulder” and related hand meta floating around recently regarding s11, I wanted to toss this out there because I watched 9.01 again today for the first time in a while. I’m not sure how relevant this may be, because this happened so long ago, but whatever. I wanted it filed away in my [“this season’s getting handsy”](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this%20season's%20getting%20handsy) tag for reasons.

So at the end of 9.01 when “Dean” shows up inside Sam’s head, but it’s actually Gadreel, pretending to be Ezekiel, pretending to be Dean, eliciting that dubious “YES” from Sam… *pauses to reread that and confirm that it does actually make sense*

Point is, THIS is how Gadreel touched Sam to cement their bargain and acknowledge Sam’s dubiously attained consent for possession: ([x](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.homeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D182%26pid%3D217174%23top_display_media&t=OTZlODUxMDM0ZDlmMDdkZGYwNzdhMDcwNjcxYWU1YTU3YTczNDBjMiw2N2lNNFVSMg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142255081025%2Fwith-all-the-wrong-shoulder-and-related-hand&m=1))

Not even taking into account the stare Death is giving “Dean” here, like he KNOWS that’s not Dean, like he KNOWS exactly who it really is… interesting.

BUT LOOK AT THE “CORRECT SHOULDER” GRAB! And after “Dean” shifts into Gadreel look how confused Sam looks: ([x](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.homeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D182%26pid%3D217181%23top_display_media&t=Y2UzOTg2MTE5MWJkNmQ0YjM4YmE2Y2ZjZDNjZWIzNDAzMjBkYWU5NSw2N2lNNFVSMg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142255081025%2Fwith-all-the-wrong-shoulder-and-related-hand&m=1), [x](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.homeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D182%26pid%3D217183%23top_display_media&t=YmZjNWJhNGM4NWUxYmIzNGUzNGY2MmI5MzdiNjg4ZjE4ZjJjNzRhMCw2N2lNNFVSMg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142255081025%2Fwith-all-the-wrong-shoulder-and-related-hand&m=1))

  


And Death’s all like, YUP THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT, just staring at Gadreel.

So, was this blatant misuse of the CORRECT SHOULDER grab? Regardless, the shoulder grab seemed to me like the equivalent of the kiss required to seal crossroads deals with demons, you know? Gadreel didn’t make a move to touch Sam until he got that yes, but then his arm shot out so fast it practically blurred.

Even if there’d been no conscious knowledge that this hand thing would become such a recurring symbol in s11 (i mean back in s9 they didn’t even know they were going to have an s11), but even back then they would’ve known what an angel grabbing someone’s left shoulder like this would immediately call to mind.

Original tags: 

  * [spn 9.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-9.01) 
  * [spn s11 speculation](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11-speculation) 
  * [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy)




	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with commentary from tumblr user f-ckyeahfutbol for conversational context.

[Apr 5, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142297698675/f-ckyeahfutbol-mittensmorgul)

26 notes

[f-ckyeahfutbol](http://f-ckyeahfutbol.tumblr.com/post/142285989371):

> [mittensmorgul](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142262857715):
>
>>  
>> 
>> [f-ckyeahfutbol](https://f-ckyeahfutbol.tumblr.com/)
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> [With all the “wrong shoulder” and related hand…](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142255081025/with-all-the-wrong-shoulder-and-related-hand)
>>
>>> It could also be that the angels attach symbolism to the shoulders that humans don’t? Gadreel was genuinely reaching out for Sam, to save him.
>> 
>> Yeah, that was definitely part of what I was thinking. I mean, there’s TONS of stuff in the bible about the significance of being at the right hand of God. Here, [have this link that I found,](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.esvbible.org%2FActs%2B7%253A55-56%253B%2BRomans%2B8%253A34%253B%2BEphesians%2B1%253A20%253B%2BColossians%2B3%253A1%253B%2BHebrews%2B1%253A3%253B%2BHebrews%2B8%253A1%253B%2BHebrews%2B10%253A12%253B%2BHebrews%2B12%253A2%253B%2B1%2BPeter%2B3%253A22%253B%2BRevelation%2B3%253A21%253B%2BMatthew%2B22%253A44%253B%2BActs%2B2%253A33%2F&t=MmNmYmIzYjZiODViZDJlZTQ0M2M2Yjc0ZTJmYmE0MGNmNzVlNjJhZixaNkhVbmlDUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142297698675%2Ff-ckyeahfutbol-mittensmorgul&m=1) which was conveniently the first link when I googled “seated at the right hand” for further reading on the various times the phrase pops up in the bible.
>> 
>> For variety’s sake, I also googled “[at the right hand](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Fsearch%3Fnum%3D20%26espv%3D2%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D643%26q%3Dat%2Bthe%2Bright%2Bhand%26oq%3Dat%2Bthe%2Bright%2Bhand%26gs_l%3Dserp.3..0i7i30l10.107663.108912.0.109605.7.7.0.0.0.0.199.988.0j7.7.0....0...1c.1.64.serp..0.7.983.Wg8RNy47RnM&t=N2MzNGE5ZjQxNzBhNGMzYzk1MDA5YjQ2ODZlYzMyNGI0OGY4MmI3NSxaNkhVbmlDUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142297698675%2Ff-ckyeahfutbol-mittensmorgul&m=1)” and found [THIS ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gotquestions.org%2Fright-hand-God.html&t=NTNlNmZkODBiODA3NWE0NjIyN2MyMmRkZWNhNWU1MjQxODY3MTQ1ZixaNkhVbmlDUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142297698675%2Ff-ckyeahfutbol-mittensmorgul&m=1)was the first result. But basically every result on the page is nearly identical.
>> 
>> And yeah, before Metatron came along and corrupted Gadreel again, he really had been trying to do a good thing. I really don’t think he had ulterior motives in possessing Sam at first, despite how he basically blackmailed Dean into sending Cas away. That was for his own self-preservation. He knew how Cas would react if he somehow figured out what Dean had done, and that he wasn’t who he said he was. Cas would’ve known right away that this wasn’t his friend Ezekiel, you know? We may have hated Gadreel/Zeke for it at the time, but other than that I think he actually was trying to heal Sam, to fulfill his promise to Dean. Even though the deal with Sam was made in bad faith (via deception).
>> 
>> Lucifer, on the other hand (insert rimshot sound effect here), doesn’t even have that kernel of good faith at the center of his dealings with Dean.
> 
> Yeah, the  **right hand**  definitely has a significance in Biblical mythology – in fact, in Semitic languages the right hand is its own noun (יָמִין) from which e.g. the tribe of Benjamin, “Sons of the Right Hand“ (being the tribe of the House of David and consequently Jesus), took their names. Much of the Biblical symbolism comes ultimately from the figure of David.
> 
> But we’ve been focused on the right hand, and the  **left shoulder**  is likewise important, being the seat of the shield. I’ll quote from another post:
>
>> [ _In ancient times men fought with their right arms and defended the vital centers with their left arms, on which was carried the protecting shield. The right half of the body was regarded therefore as offensive and the left half defensive._ ](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sacred-texts.com%2Feso%2Fsta%2Fsta17.htm&t=MWFmMmU3NzRkM2ZiNDUyYThkYTk1MzRiOWMwNjU4M2MzOTEzNjQxMyxsdVdQSlU4TA%3D%3D)
> 
> So there’s significance in the angels, the warriors of God, using the right hand to reach out because it is the hand of purity, but there’s another set of symbolism entirely in their reaching out for the left shoulder, which is the seat of protection. It was especially pertinent when Castiel, “The Shield of God“, reached out for Dean, ‘the Michael sword’ – but the symbolism isn’t lost on other angels. 
> 
> See this scene of an angel using his impure hand to reach Castiel’s right shoulder:
> 
> He looks like he’s ready to throw down.
> 
> And this is important too:
> 
> Left hand, right shoulder. Castiel seems upset by this.

Gah. Does this mean I have to go back and rewatch the entire series looking for hand-to-shoulder grabs? *sighs* Maybe just s11, since that seems like the point they really started focusing on it.

 

 original tags:

[spn s11 speculation](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11-speculation) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy)

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> including comments from tumblr users f-ckyeahfutbol and miss-devonaire for the sake of conversational preservation.

[Apr 5, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142294541150/i-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a)

73 notes

**Anonymous asked: i forgot about this until now but there was a character (who barely showed up) named charlie in 11.17... i mean it was probably meaningless because they re-use names but still. also i wouldn't call it a positive callback or anything...**

[miss-devonaire](https://miss-devonaire.tumblr.com/post/142289611263/i-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a):

 

> [f-ckyeahfutbol](https://f-ckyeahfutbol.tumblr.com/post/142289388806/i-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a):
> 
>  
>
>> [miss-devonaire](https://miss-devonaire.tumblr.com/post/142289028868/i-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a):
>> 
>>  
>>
>>> [f-ckyeahfutbol](https://f-ckyeahfutbol.tumblr.com/post/142286075901/i-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a):
>>> 
>>>  
>>>
>>>> [mittensmorgul](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142261842970/i-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a):
>>>> 
>>>>  
>>>>
>>>>> OH MY GOSH.
>>>>> 
>>>>> My first thought was WHO THE HECKEROO WAS CALLED CHARLIE? I DON’T REMEMBER A CHARLIE. But I had an idea of who it could be, so I went to the episode and fast forwarded to that scene where the sheriff was calling the park ranger to ask him to check out the cabins and the ranger station Michelle and Corbin had told him about. And yup. [This was Charlie](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fscreencapped.net%2Ftv%2Fsupernatural%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D1723%26pid%3D1959040%23top_display_media&t=ZTAzNDIxNjQ0YjBiMzc1M2U1YTI2NGI0NGY5OTIyOGJmYmU1ZDU3YixaU2FXSU9vUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142294541150%2Fi-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a&m=1):
>>>>> 
>>>>> RIP Charlie. AKA the Park Ranger. I’m sure you would’ve tried to help Sam if you hadn’t been too dead to drive over there. :(
>>>>> 
>>>>> The sheriff (named Ben Anderson, thanks [SuperWiki](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.supernaturalwiki.com%2Findex.php%3Ftitle%3D11.17_Red_Meat&t=NDE4NGMyODI3ODkzMWRhZTY5Y2E4NTY0N2MyMDgxOTA5MDQxMTFjMyxaU2FXSU9vUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142294541150%2Fi-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a&m=1), I’d been calling him either “the cop” or “douchebag” so it’s nice to finally have a name for him pffft) mumbled something to the effect of, “come on, Charlie” while waiting for Charlie to answer the phone. Poor Charlie.
>>>>> 
>>>>> We know the Return of Chuck is imminent. And if Chuck  _is_  God– and for YEARS various characters have stated or implied that God is dead (I always hear this in Raphael’s condescending voice from 5.03)– maybe he’s finally shedding the “Chuck mask” he’s been hiding behind all these years and stepping up to the plate. (sorry, Mr. Mittens has a baseball game on, so I’m unconsciously using baseball metaphors for everything…)
>>>>> 
>>>>> We also know the “Horn of Joshua” is going to be a plot point. Perhaps it’s another Hand of God? My first thought on that was to recall the angel Joshua who tended The Garden in Heaven, and who was the only angel that God still talked to.
>>>>> 
>>>>> But there’s also the [Book of Joshua in the bible](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBattle_of_Jericho&t=MzM0YTgxNDdlYWFiNjQ0ZmI1ZWRhNjBjZjdiMDIwNTliNTE1ZDcyMixaU2FXSU9vUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F142294541150%2Fi-forgot-about-this-until-now-but-there-was-a&m=1),(about a different Joshua, not the angel), so that may be owner of the horn in question. I guess we have to wait and see. Since Chuck’s not due back until 11.20, and after this week’s 11.18 airs there’s gonna be a two week mini-hellatus… *preemptive screaming about the month-long wait to see how this all plays out*
>>>> 
>>>> Check out the hand-print on his face, though.
>>>> 
>>>> There were a lot of facially disfigured narrative mirrors in the tenth season, and at the time I specced that Lucifer would return with his face disfigured, because all of them seemed to be villains (see especially the demon that has his eye punctured at the beginning of  _ **Girls, Girls, Girls** – _but the facial disfigurement was something of a motif in the season).
>>>> 
>>>> I need to review whether they could be seen as God mirrors now.
>>> 
>>> [@f-ckyeahfutbol](https://tmblr.co/mXVaGmJQuBzObGCwgoHNJqg) This may or may not add to the meta, but the Horn of Joshua is directly related to the Book of Joshua. Specifically the battle of Jericho (if you can even call it a battle). basically, the story goes like this:
>>> 
>>> Joshua was leading the Israelites into the promised land, but the city of Jericho was in the way. It was heavily fortified and basically impregnable. God told Joshua, via an angel whom he wrestled with all night, to march around the city once every day for seven days, with the Arc of the Covenant at the front of the procession. On the seventh day, they were to march around the city seven times. Upon completing the seventh lap, the Isrealites were told to blow their horns. This brought the walls crashing down, allowing them to take the city without any actual fighting.
>>> 
>>> I’m curious how this will play into this season. Will they blow the horn and somehow avoid any battle with Amara entirely? Will blowing the horn finally bring God out of hibernation? 
>> 
>> Thanks for the addition! 
>> 
>> Given the writers of the episode and their take on continuity, I expect the Horn of Joshua to be just another Hand of God (the symbolism of the walls coming down has probably something to do with the Darkness shouting so loud the walls of Heaven tremble). But I wonder whether we are to suspect that the Horn of Gabriel that was teased in the ninth season is also another one of these divine weapons.
> 
> Oh, now THAT is an interesting theory! Gabriel’s Horn was supposed to be blown to announce Judgement Day, and associates the infinite (the divine) with the finite (man). It announces the return of God to earth, but the Bible never actually says that Gabriel is the actual trumpeter! It could  _absolutely_ come into play in relation to God and The Darkness!
> 
> As for Joshua, I can’t help but giggle at the subtext of him “wrestling with an angel” all night to prove his worth, in relation to Dean and (obviously) Cas. But that’s my little shipper heart bleeding true again…

Oh hi! I didn’t notice all these new comments on this! (and yeah, the link in the original post actually leads to the Wikipedia entry for the Battle of Jericho, so that’s exactly what I was going for in the original answer).

We were first teased with the Horn of Gabriel all the way back in 6.06, in the famous “You were gone for like two seconds. Where did you look?” “Everywhere.” scene. The Horn of Gabriel sigil was used in s9, and even without the physical horn it functioned as a screaming beacon to the angels. Or maybe a giant bug light, considering how Metatron/Gadreel employed said angel-attracting sigil.

And since I’m still wondering what Casifer was rummaging around in the bunker for back in 11.11, especially after how disappointed he seemed by the weapons recovered from his crypt in 11.14, it seems likely that one of these “weapons” will eventually pay off somehow.

It’s all Hands of God and handprints this season.

Original Tags:

 

 

[spn 11.11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.11) [spn 11.14](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.14) [spn 11.17](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.17) [spn 11.18](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.18) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/if-you-say-%27mysterious-ways%27-so-help-me-i-will-kick-your-ass) [casifer? lustiel?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/casifer%3F-lustiel%3F) [do i need a tag for all the horns? this season's getting horny pffft](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-need-a-tag-for-all-the-horns%3F-this-season%27s-getting-horny-pffft) [nah i'll just expand my handsy tag to cover the hands of god](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/nah-i%27ll-just-expand-my-handsy-tag-to-cover-the-hands-of-god)


	10. Chapter 10

[Apr 17, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142954716300/f-ckyeahfutbol-mittensmorgul-ive-been)

65 notes

[f-ckyeahfutbol](http://f-ckyeahfutbol.tumblr.com/post/142940572081):

> [mittensmorgul](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/105012449960):
>
>> I’ve been thinking about Claire’s star and rose tattoo. I’ve seen several posts about the potential astronomical significance of the placement of the stars, as well as the symbolic meanings of stars over the last few seasons. There’s also the rose images we’ve been seeing a significant deal of, especially in relation to Cas, and to various victims this season (i.e., characters that didn’t survive the first five minutes of Supernatural).
>> 
>> I just read [this meta](http://thevioletcaptain.tumblr.com/post/80168235242/the-route-of-flowers-symbolism-and-castiel) by [thevioletcaptain ](http://thevioletcaptain.tumblr.com/)about the significance of flower symbolism in relation to Cas since S6. There are links in that post to other meta with further details. Every time flowers, and bees for that matter, pop up on this show, I immediately associate them with Cas.
>> 
>> What I haven’t seen mentioned is the fact that in Claire’s tattoo, the rose is technically upside down, i.e., it looks right side up to Claire when she’s looking down at her own arms, but when she’s standing naturally with her arms at her sides, the rose would appear to be inverted to everyone else, with the petals hanging toward the ground. Arm tattoos are nearly always inked so that they look “right side up” to the rest of the world.
>> 
>> This means that Claire had a really dumb tattoo artist to ink the rose right side up from her perspective, or she intentionally wanted the rose hanging toward the ground. Because the makeup department isn’t usually dumb *other than that time they oopsie forgot the handprint* I am left to believe that rose is supposed to look like it’s falling, or being dropped.
>> 
>> ****
>> 
>> **rightside up rose in 9.06**
>> 
>> and then a few minutes later:
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> rose hanging upside down also in 9.06.
>> 
>> Remember this is also the rose Cas used to cut his hand for blood to paint an angel banishing symbol later in the episode. It went from symbol of hope and affection/romance etc., to a symbol of disappointment, to an improvised weapon in the space of a few scenes. Oh versatile little rose *presents rose with emmy award*.
>> 
>> Claire’s rose tattoo? points to the ground. I’d love to see a better analysis of what that could mean. It seems like such a small thing, but I’m positive there’s more to it.
> 
> I wrote a bunch on the esoteric symbolism back when the episode aired, connecting the rose with the constellation of Aquarius… and the less said about that, the better. But I started thinking about the rose and the sword after reading your post, connected especially in the figure of the  _Rosenkavalier_  (the Rose Knight), as well as the figure of Mary, Mother of Christ – we see her heart both pierced with a sword and surrounded by roses, a kind of conglomeration of the symbols.
> 
> But I figured this bit of information might be relevant to our interests: the word hand in Hebrew,  _yad_ , actually refers not to the appendix beginning from the wrist (the palm+fingers is  _kaph_ ), but to the span from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. In Hebrew (and ergo in the Bible), that is what is understood by and which translates to English the word ‘hand’. The word hand is often paralleled with the word ‘arm’ ( _zero’a_ ), which in turn is from the shoulder to the fingers. So Claire’s tattoo may yet be another Hand of God reference.

Ooh! See, I knew if I reblogged some of my ancient thinky-thoughts someone would be able to connect them to current events. :) I originally posted that in December 2014 when Claire first returned, before she took up the Grigori’s sword, so it’s like we’ve now watched her journey advance. I don’t think her part in the story is done, by virtue of the fact that she’s still using the sword and training as a hunter.

She has also been the only other vessel of Castiel on the show, and with speculation that he may be a Hand of God by virtue of having been resurrected (presumably by God himself) multiple times, I find this interesting.

 original tags: 

[spn 9.06](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-9.06) [spn 10.09](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-10.09) [spn s11 speculation](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11-speculation) [claire novak](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/claire-novak) [castiel winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/castiel-winchester) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [the hand of god](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/the-hand-of-god) [more supernatural flower meta](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/more-supernatural-flower-meta)


	11. Chapter 11

Apr 20, 2016

41 notes

**Anonymous asked: How do you feel about destiel in s9 and 10? I personally think we got some of our best stuff from those two seasons, though admittedly i can see how ppl were disappointed especially coming off of s8. But i don't think they were trying to sweep it away/downplay it as much as they were stretching it out and focusing on other things as well. Pacing has always been our enemy when it comes to destiel, especially after a renewal. It's been disjointed at times, but always there.**

First of all, hi there. And let me apologize for how long it took me to answer this, but it’s a daunting question, and I wanted to give it the time and attention it deserves. :)

I started watching the show after prodding from friends during s8, and bingewatched the entire series probably three or four times before s9 premiered. I wasn’t really involved in the tumblr/online fandom at the time, other than occasionally perusing a few meta posts. This was back when I had actual ambitions to be a Serious Fiction Writer, and I was hesitant to turn this blog into a single fandom space (which I now kind of regret) so my posts from back then aren’t really tagged in any sort of organized fashion.

Anyway, point is, I regret my past choices, because I’d like to go back and reread some of my real-time reactions to s9 episodes, but I don’t have the kind of time it would take to unearth all those posts… So, Past Me has once again let Present Me down. No surprise there.

**AN: I decided what the heckeroo, I’ll show Past Me what for by writing this post entirely from my personal recollections of the last few seasons without referring to any supporting material. So this post is mostly my observations and what stands out to me most, without the benefit of even referring to the episode list, since you asked how I FEEL, this is a pretty raw account of my FEELINGS. Just in case, you know, I got things mixed up or out of order. This is about FEELINGS. With the disclaimer that my most recent rewatch of these seasons has occurred within the last month, so it’s not like I’m reaching back to distant memories of the long-past. :D

**AN2: Self-promotion Boogaloo: I mean, I kind of, in a roundabout meta-fic kind of way, really addressed most of this, at least as far as my personal feelings go, in 132k words worth of detail. I should probably just stand back and point at [Revenge of the Subtext](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fseries%2F327056&t=ZTc3OGE3Y2JhOTVkOWM5YWMzZjM5ODYwZGY2ODYwYWNkMDFmNTU4NCxsVnpnaTkwMQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F143122835640%2Fhow-do-you-feel-about-destiel-in-s9-and-10-i&m=1), but I’ll try and sum up in far fewer words here. :P

Under a cut because while it’s substantially shorter than 132k, it’s still kind long and rambly. :D

What I do recall about s8 and s9 was the overall impression that we were being told a story in three parts. There was a lot of speculation floating around about the “three season arc” that Carver had planned (which would’ve concluded at the end of s10). A lot of meta at the time was being written with that specific structure in mind, and when s11 was announced so early (in early February, if I recall, while s10 was still being written), it’s theorized that there was some scrambling to stretch out the main storylines and expand everything to accommodate the additional season. And that’s when a lot of fans/meta writers threw up their hands and left the show. (shouldn’t have eaten those hands…)

I, personally, haven’t seen a single instance in the last four seasons (8-11) where they’ve trashed destiel, or where I thought they were squashing the subtext out of existence. And I agree with you, that it’s a matter of pacing and drawing out all the major plot arcs from the last few seasons that have sometimes made it feel like a hopeless, endless journey leading nowhere. But also like you, I’ve seen multiple instances in s9 and s10 that only serve to strengthen the destiel reading. Hello 10.05, I’m looking at you Office-style, straight into the camera lens.

S8, with Purgatory, Dean’s praying every night, his absolute glee to have Cas back with him, and then his  _continued_  praying mid-season when Cas disappeared again… then Cas breaking through torture-induced  _mind control_  to “break the connection” by his refusal to kill Dean in the crypt… well, after a season of what seemed to be mostly one-sided destiel from Dean’s side, it seemed like a confirmation that the only thing that had been holding Cas back was the aforementioned mind control. I think we all puked rainbows at that point.

But then Cas flapped off again with the tablet, driven to protect it from everyone, including Dean. What Dean didn’t know, and what Naomi implied while talking with the secretary angel, was that  _the tablet itself was likely asserting its own agenda over Cas_. Naomi said that Cas was only doing what he was programmed to do (to keep the tablet safe) in running off with the tablet. So what looked to Dean like Cas not trusting him, like Cas abandoning him again, may actually have been just as much a form of mind control as Naomi had been using over him since the start of s8. Cue the ongoing misunderstandings.

Dean was hurt, and took that out on Cas for most of the rest of s8, flat out ignoring him that first time they brought Cas to the bunker after Crowley stole the tablet from him. For the first time all season, since Purgatory, Cas’s mind is his own again, and Dean’s too hurt, feels too betrayed  _again_ , that he’s not willing to let go of that hurt yet, so Cas is left feeling like he still needs to earn the forgiveness that Dean had been ready to give him back in Purgatory.

Poor Cas, though. He doesn’t get that HE doesn’t have to earn anything. That hurt’s all on Dean to work through. He just needed a little time. But then while Cas was out terrifying a store clerk into selling him some Apology Pie to bring to Dean, Cas is lured away by Metatron in a way highly reminiscent to how he was lured away by Crowley (while watching Dean rake leaves) in s6, with the promise of earning redemption for his past mistakes through a Grand Gesture. And once again, his heart was in the right place, but things Do Not Go Well for Cas.

What seems the most significant takeaway for me from s8 as a whole is the sacrifice of it all (pfft even the last episode is called Sacrifice, for crying out loud). Dean has finally forgiven Cas, just in time for Cas to ask for his help carrying out what he mistakenly believes are “Heaven Trials” similar to the Hell Trials Sam is completing. What strikes me most about this is SAM IS WORKING THROUGH THE LAST TRIAL WHEN DEAN DECIDES TO LEAVE WITH CAS.

Sam, who Dean’s been worried about for the entire back half of s8 because of the trials, is embarking on the final trial, AND DEAN LEAVES TO HELP CAS.*side note to the bitter Cas fan anons I’ve been getting lately, how much more proof do you need that Dean cares about Cas? I mean really.*

They have what Dean believes is their final conversation, because he thinks Cas has chosen loyalty to heaven over him, and he’ll never see him again. So Dean feels out the situation without trying to lay his own feelings down on Cas. He tiptoes painfully around that whole conversation, and never “burdens” Cas by even saying “I’ll miss you,” or putting any of his own feelings on Cas. *brb, setting self on fire* WHICH IS SO HEARTBREAKING, that whole bar scene kills me. But then they run into Naomi, who warns them that Metatron’s trying to deceive them. Cas is so angry at Naomi he refuses to accept that truth until he can question Metatron himself. Which ends up with Cas captured, his grace stolen, and Dean trying to stop Sam from killing himself (because Naomi also warned him about the caveat written into the Hell Trials).

*then all the bad things happen*

Cas is human, and Dean’s #1 priority is split between Saving Sam and Protecting Cas. Seeing as he’s incapable of doing either, he ends up failing at both. Sam’s body is now being held hostage by an angel who uses Sam’s life as a bargaining chip to keep Cas away (because the risk to Gadreel if Cas discovered who he really was was too great). Gadreel needed to not only keep Cas away, he needed to make sure that Dean didn’t sneakily go off and confess everything to Cas. CAN YOU SAY EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL? Gadreel knew that hurting Cas this way, making him think that Dean didn’t care about him, would cut off Dean’s access to Cas as a friend to whom he might confess his secret. Gadreel was controlling that entire situation, which led to EVEN MORE BAD THINGS.

*we don’t talk about 9.03* *other than Cas’s first word on resurrection was “Dean,” and Dean’s reply was “don’t do that again.”

So Dean’s being manipulated into isolation, and Cas now feels betrayed and rejected the same way Dean had felt for much of s8. He tries to establish himself as a human, learning how to be human, and trying to stay out of hunting-adjacent trouble. But when he spots a potential case, his first call is to Dean. And Dean’s so happy to hear from Cas at all that he LIES to Sam/Gadreel and bolts off to visit him.

*we don’t talk about 9.06 because it’s essentially ONE LONG FEELING with a magical fanfiction gap, lots of pink splatter, heartbreak, longing, and sads when Dean inevitably drives off alone at the end of the episode*

But then Cas is compelled to get back into the heaven drama, Gadreel AGAIN forces Dean to distance himself from Cas, and as a last resort Cas steals another angel’s grace and again Dean feels like Cas’s loyalty has shifted back to Heaven. And at that point, after “rejecting” Cas three times (Judas reference, anyone?), Dean legitimately feels like he deserves it.

But then things with Gadreel come to a head, he kills Kevin, and Dean finally confesses what he’s done, and Cas forgives him. NOT ONLY forgives him, but reaffirms that Dean did those awful things  _for the right reasons_ , meaning Cas understood how Dean had been feeling when he did those things, and validated them.

But I don’t think Cas really understands how much of Dean’s feelings had been directed toward HIM PERSONALLY. So when Dean walks away from Sam and Cas on that bridge, he admits he’s “poison.” He feels like everything he’d tried to fix only ended up far more broken. Kevin, Sam angry with him, Cas cast out and alone. All of it. Then we have a wonderful interlude of Sam and Cas BFF’s, which I thoroughly enjoy, and wish it hadn’t happened because of Dean reaching a personal low point.

Meanwhile, Dean turns to Crowley, much like Cas once turned to Crowley at a particularly low point in his life… And he takes on the Mark of Cain in order to maybe salvage one thing and get rid of an actual threat: Abaddon. All of a sudden the tables are turned from s8. Cas is himself again (albeit with stolen grace that’s slowly burning him alive), but Dean is slowly succumbing to an unnatural sort of mind control, further confirming to himself that he’s actually poison. Sam and Cas work together to help him, but other outside forces continue to conspire against them all (Metatron, the warring angel factions, Gadreel– until he sacrifices himself in a Grand Redemption Metaphor).

Metatron literally tells Cas to his face that he did everything, sacrificed everything, FOR ONE MAN. DEAN WINCHESTER. That… was pretty damn explicit. When the author stand-in character basically yells IT WAS ALL DESTIEL! in Cas’s face, you really are remiss for not accepting that at face value.

But poor Cas thinks Dean’s dead, and so does Sam, until Crowley shows up and hauls demon!Dean out of the bunker and off for their Summer of Love (ugh).

So we have Dean minus the burden of his emotions and humanity, while Cas is slowly letting his stolen grace consume him (in a fashion that looks an awful lot like  _pining away)_. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs all around.

But Sam and Cas together manage to bring Dean back from demonhood, even though he’s still feeling the effects of the Mark. Suddenly s10 becomes the Season of Saving Dean From Himself.

*do we even need to mention 10.05 again? No? Good.* *whispers 10.05 anyway* *destiel! it was all in the subtext!* *redirects readers back to the top and the link to Revenge of the Subtext…*

Dean’s working through the guilt and “embarrassment” (his word) of his time as a demon, and still doesn’t feel worthy of love from anyone. Not to mention Cas is still trying to make things up with Heaven, helping Hannah rebuild and round up “rogue angels” who just want to live on Earth. Kinda sad, considering Cas  _is_  one of those rogue angels.

Long story short, s10 ends up being one long heartbreaking DO IT FOR DEAN season. Dean openly admits that Cas is a person who loves him, while Cas says to Dean’s face that he is one of the people that Dean loves. Again, ugh.

*we don’t talk about 10.22* *we just cry about it a lot*

AND NOW we have s11 and we’re finally circling closer and closer to the s9 premiere opening song WHO DO YOU LOVE?! with the love… and love. AND IT’S ALL HANDS AND HEARTS AND GROSSNESS AND BLANKETS AND oops Cas said yes to Lucifer and NOW IT’S ALL WE MUST SAVE CAS and DARKNESS WHO? BUT CAS! WE MUST SAVE CAS! AND THE HAPPY PLACE IN HIS MIND IS THE BUNKER’S KITCHEN AND HE CALLED THE BUNKER “HOME” AND DEAN JUST WANTS HIM TO COME HOME

and I just want to kind of faint about it all.

 

 original tags:

[Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous) [spn s8](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s8) [spn s9](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s9) [spn s10](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s10) [spn s11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11) [jeremy carver: destiel shipper](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/jeremy-carver%3A-destiel-shipper) [pffft that was a tag i already had so i guess that kind of sums things up?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/pffft-that-was-a-tag-i-already-had-so-i-guess-that-kind-of-sums-things-up%3F) [destiel](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/destiel) [Grand Unification via Love Theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Grand-Unification-via-Love-Theory) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [home is where the heart is i guess](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/home-is-where-the-heart-is-i-guess)


	12. Chapter 12

[CALLED IT!](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/CALLED-IT%21)

[May 25, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144935030960/brb-rolling-around-in-a-years-worth-of-yelling)

45 notes

brb rolling around in a year’s worth of yelling about duality that could only be fixed by reuniting light and dark once they stopped using dean as their proxy/firewall

sorry if i’m a little bit self-gratified tonight, but literally I called this one year ago today so…

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144537719180/supernatural-the-darkness-god-death-lucifer>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144609519920/grand-reunification-indeed>

*does the I WAS RIGHT dance*

 

 

[spn 11.23](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.23) [spn s11 spoilers](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s11-spoilers) [*tries to minimize gloating but is really fucking struggling with that right now so just kinda apologizes in advance*](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/%2Atries-to-minimize-gloating-but-is-really-fucking-struggling-with-that-right-now-so-just-kinda-apologizes-in-advance%2A) [Grand Unification via Love Theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Grand-Unification-via-Love-Theory) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here-have-my-belated-thoughts-on-the-whole-love...-and-love)

 

(AN: these two posts linked here will eventually be archived along with my Grand Unification Via Love Theory series)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted along with commentary from tumblr user @elizabethrobertajones (lizbobjones on ao3) for the sake of conversational context.

[May 30, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/145185026115/having-seen-the-entire-season-now-would-you-say)

65 notes

**Anonymous asked: Having seen the entire season now, would you say the "John" in Baby was Lucifer or could you see it being someone else? I just rewatched the episode and while I could sort of see it being Lucifer it's still ambiguous. Like, I'd presumed the line about "well who'd use Dad's face" or whatever it was (in combo w/ the actor used) from Dean was s'posed to make us think Michael when he was actually entirely non-present during the season. It's just so murky I'm not sure what to think in hindsight.**

[elizabethrobertajones](https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/145180563058/having-seen-the-entire-season-now-would-you-say):

> Oh I was thinking about this after I rewatched the season last week… I was thinking the obvious answer would be that of course 11x09 proves it was just Lucifer all along. 11x10 also had him visiting Rowena in a dream so it seems like both episodes tried to answer/prove that it was him and give us the simple answer…
> 
> Comparing all the visions Sam got just of the cage vs that conversation though, I am right back to being with the Sam of 11x04 though, and wondering at least as a semi-crack theory if taking into account what we learn much much later… if it was God all along just that one vision. Lucifer exploited Sam’s faith pretty thoroughly to get him to come to the cage, but knowing how Chuck was characterised later in the season, rewatching Baby with almost full hindsight of the season sent me off speculating all over again of it being a double bluff or still open for interpretation even when I was watching it assuming it had been proved it was Lucifer… Something about “God helps those who help themselves”… possibly because if it was Lucifer that amount of sarcasm is off the charts but of course in the vision whoever was acting as John had to deliver it sort of straightfaced…
> 
> Also just the fact it was John - God even said not to confuse him with their father.
> 
> Baby also dragged Swan Song out, and Chuck waxed poetical about the car then, while Lucifer completely underestimated the car… Of the 2 of them, Chuck seems the more likely to go for such an elaborate and sentimental scenario, while Lucifer was reminding Sam of himself with meat hooks in his flesh
> 
> I dunno, at least for 3 episodes from 11x20 onwards I  _really_  didn’t trust Chuck and I’m still intrigued by him and his motivations. For example, I totally don’t believe Amara was ever warded against him, and even in 11x23 he wasn’t open about the sun dying because he was, letting them think it was her doing something to it and so the answer was to kill her. He was 100% “mysterious ways” (read: being kind of a dick :P) to the very end until Amara reached out to him. 
> 
> (And then there’s the fact Lucifer needed to be freed to fight Amara; Metatron pointed out Chuck had known the whole time since she had been released and had been making preparations; his interventions have always been very sneaky but he’s been making them consistently for a long time even past the end of season 5, since he resurrected Cas like 3 more times after that…)
> 
> Eh, who even knows. The official answer is probably “it’s lucifer” or else just saying vague non-explanations are much more fun so we can be left guessing :P

 

I hadn’t thought about this in a while, but considering how shady Chuck was at the end of the season, I absolutely could believe that “John” was actually Chuck now. Especially after Chuck said in 11.22 that he couldn’t apologize if he didn’t mean it (regarding Lucifer, but this seems to fit with everyone vs Chuck).

And it seemed to ONLY apply to apologies for him. Chuck lied about… pretty much everything else. We know he’s not incapable of lying, or at least playing incredibly fast and loose with the truth. I mean, how long had he been getting away with the whole “Chuck the Prophet” routine?

He’d rather hide from Amara at the end and let her tear everything down than face her and risk being torn down with his entire creation. Just like “Chuck” thought the apocalypse would end one of two ways, and the  _third Human-powered option_  had seemingly hit him out of left field when Cas and Dean popped up in his living room, I just don’t think he even believed there was a third option for his meeting with his sister.

He was  _hiding_. He was, to quote Zachariah, “ We didn’t lie. We just avoided certain truths to manipulate you.”

(note that this quote was from 5.18, written by Carver, the 100th episode, in which Sam first suggested THERE IS ANOTHER WAY, and Adam asked what it was, and Dean replied jokingly, “We’re working on the power of love.” Which really was the solution in 11.23, so…)

But that’s what I think Chuck had been doing the entire time. Chuck  _never wanted to confront Amara_. He never wanted to have to kill her (because technically it would’ve been tantamount to killing himself), and he didn’t want to die by her hands (because still, they’d both end up dead and creation along with them). It was a no win situation.

Because he didn’t believe in THE OTHER WAY. Because the key to that evolved in humanity. Chuck and Amara, individually, could never begin to understand the kind of love they’d observed in humanity. They were both drawn to it, tried desperately in their own ways to experience it, and yet the only thing that made them understand it was a few words from Dean Humanity Winchester, the symbol of humanity they’d both latched on to because they each saw something through him that they weren’t able to understand.

Chuck tried to imitate Dean. He took long showers, he sang terribly, he wore Dean’s clothes and watched Dean’s porn and ate Dean’s food and wore Dean’s beloved robe, even. As if pretending to be Dean on the surface would somehow translate into a better experience or understanding of that ~mysterious thing~ that drew him to Dean in the first place.

Amara tried to copy the bond she sensed in Dean when she lived through him via her Mark (and no, I don’t even want to call it the MoC in this context. It’s HER mark). She was drawn to him and tried to replicate that ~mysterious bond~ he has with ~whoever it is he shares a mysterious bond with in canon~, and sought out understanding of it through the consumption of human souls, seeking that tenuous feeling she sensed in Dean. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t find its equal out in the world, and tried everything she believed might influence Dean to share that feeling with her, but it failed every time to bring her true satisfaction and mainly terrified Dean.

So yeah… um. *scrolls back up to try and remember what the original point of all this rambling was*. Right. Chuck very well could’ve been sending the vision of John to Sam in 11.04. If he thought releasing Lucifer to fight Amara in his stead would spare him the burden of feeling the need to kill her himself (or try to trap her away again himself), then it would be worth it.

As to his anger later over “whoever released Lucifer,” well, yeah. I think he was angry AT HIMSELF. Because at that point, his “favorite son” was being tortured, and possibly killed, by Amara’s hands. All because Chuck had done nothing to stop it. May have even given TFW the nudge they needed to release Lucifer in the first place.

So yeah, that would even explain his anger and guilt about that.

 

 

[spn 11.23](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.23) [spn 11.04](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.04) [spn 11.21](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.21) [who is amara?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/who-is-amara%3F) [if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/if-you-say-%27mysterious-ways%27-so-help-me-i-will-kick-your-ass) [lucifer (the one on spn-- not my kid)](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/lucifer-%28the-one-on-spn---not-my-kid%29) [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here-have-my-belated-thoughts-on-the-whole-love...-and-love) [oh DEAN](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-DEAN) [grand unification via love theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/grand-unification-via-love-theory) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [because really in the end all it took was them holding hands to save the universe](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/because-really-in-the-end-all-it-took-was-them-holding-hands-to-save-the-universe)


	14. Chapter 14

[Jun 3, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/145377171540/hi-soooo-the-fact-amara-was-hurt-when-she)

29 notes

**[awed-frog](http://awed-frog.tumblr.com/) asked: Hi! Soooo - the fact Amara was hurt when she touched Cas was never addressed again. In light of what we now know about her, were our theories right, you think? Was Amara hurt because Cas has an unusual soul, or a direct connection to Dean, or is in love with Dean, or what? Sorry if you already mentioned this - I only just remembered about it and it sort of bugs me. Would be very happy with a longass reply - it's always a joy to read your metas. :)**

Hi there! And thanks (I enjoy reading yours, too). :D

And yeah, it really disappointed me that that whole thing was never explained more clearly. She was hurt badly enough that she needed to seek out Rowena to heal her (yet Rowena never offered a similar sort of healing on Chuck when he was hurt in 11.22, despite the two of them becoming buddy-buddy over a cup of tea and basically bonding over their respective kids).

I wrote some about this after 11.21, and also earlier in the season when Amara first started talking about how she’s bound to Dean, as well as later on with all the handprint and hand-related imagery, as well as the Hands of God became plot-relevant for a while. And I do think part of the reason that imagery (like the handprint on the banshee and all the other hand stuff) was deliberately meant as a reminder of the handprint Cas left on Dean once upon a time. We were supposed to recall who it is Dean had a more profound bond with all those years ago.

I really don’t think they’re done exploring that bond (i.e. Dean’s bond with Cas). My personal hope is that with Cas officially part of the family now and the universe restored to balance, those recurring themes will continue to develop.

It was pretty clear to me that before she touched Cas in 11.10, Amara had been doing pretty well. She’d devoured Ambriel’s grace and reconstituted herself from a cloud of wafting darkness (leaving Cas in a ray of sunlight, nice touch!). She seemed pretty powerful and rejuvenated from eating Ambriel’s grace, and only slumped down apparently weakened or injured after she branded Cas and sent him away.

Which works as the first part of the equation of the two-way bond between Dean and Cas, that Dean’s “protection” from Amara extends also to Cas through their bond, and that hurting Cas hurts Amara just as much as hurting Dean would.

I also wondered if that’s why Lucifer was unable to hurt Amara himself, since he’d also once borne her Mark, just as Dean did, but then Amara didn’t have any trouble torturing Lucifer (even with Cas riding along inside him, but otherwise locked away in a corner of his own mind and not actively in control of the vessel at the time). So there is obviously something about CAS HIMSELF that’s different from Lucifer, despite Lucifer having shared the mark just like Dean did.

Maybe Dean’s humanity was the difference? Either way, it was only after Amara snapped Lucifer unconscious, presumably leaving Castiel awake while still locked in the bunker kitchen in his mind, that she seemed to even notice he was in there and then realized she had some sort of a direct connection to Dean through touching Castiel’s heart. I mean, come on.

She suddenly finds a power to contact Dean that she’d never had before, ONLY AFTER PUTTING HER HAND AGAINST CASTIEL’S HEART.

Is there another way to explain that EXCEPT by using the fact that Cas and Dean share their own mystical bond?

And then there was the “what broke the connection” moment where Amara touches Dean in the woods and tries to use her “control” over him through their bond, and Dean is entirely unmoved. He’s scared, yeah, but she’s trying to give him the full whammy, and he just looks away from her. But at that moment, Lucifer (with Cas in the passenger seat) falls away from his bonds where Amara had him locked up.

I’ve had people argue that it was obviously Metatron’s spell that unlocked Lucifer at just that moment, but NONE of his other spells worked against Amara. NONE OF THEM. He was HUMAN. And so far out of his depth magically that it was ridiculous. No, I just can’t accept that. Something broke Amara’s connection and control over her psychic shackles holding Lucifer in place. Even freed, I think he was being “blocked” from teleporting them all to safety because of what Amara was trying to do to DEAN. She was trying to take control of him in that moment. And instead it’s Lucifer (with Cas onboard) who was crippled by it.

We learned in 11.23 that both Chuck and Amara had been using Dean as a proxy for the other, as a symbol for the “something better” that Chuck had yearned for when he created… creation. They’d both latched on to Dean as that ideal. Now that Dean has finally been unburdened of that role, maybe he’ll be able to see his bond with Cas in a new way.

I don’t know. It’s just what I’m hoping for in s12. :)

I think I kinda veered off course here (as per usual), so I hope that was long and rambling enough for you. :D

original tags: 

[spn 11.23](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.23) [spn 11.10](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.10) [spn 11.18](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.18) [spn 11.21](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.21) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [who is amara?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/who-is-amara%3F)[oh DEAN](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-DEAN) [castiel winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/castiel-winchester) [but dean already had a 'more profound bond' with cas](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-dean-already-had-a-%27more-profound-bond%27-with-cas) [awed-frog](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/awed-frog)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted with commentary from tumblr user f-ckyeahfutbol for conversational context.

[Jul 19, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/147650116630/f-ckyeahfutbol-are-we-gonna-talk-about-the)

244 notes

[f-ckyeahfutbol](http://f-ckyeahfutbol.tumblr.com/post/139980662081):

> > Are we gonna talk about the _Into the Mystic_  parallel?
>> 
>> Gunner says basically the same thing that Dean said to Mildred when she held on to his hand for longer than necessary:
>> 
>> Dean: “I’m gonna need my hand back" 
>> 
>> Gunner: “Planning on keeping that hand?”
>> 
>> And it was clear that Mildred was interested in Dean and tried to get into his pants.
> 
> Hell yes, let’s do! There have been a wealth of references to hands during the season, and they may all be in reference to the actual hand of God that we may see later in the season, but this is an important parallel.
> 
> Mildred was sexually interested in Dean. This is explicit text. She lays her hand on his thigh, offers to move it higher up. Mildred was willing to enter into a relationship with Dean. 
> 
> Mildred was to Dean as Dean is the Gunner in the episode. Except where Dean wasn’t the one to lay his hand on Gunner’s thigh, Gunner was the one to lay his hand on Dean’s thigh.
> 
> An episode which, it might be added, that associated the concept of the hand with a phallic rod, calling the Hand of God phallic in text. The episode, that is, made a connection between the hand and the penis (very Biblical!) after having offered us a lingering close-up shot of two men holding hands. It was  _meant_  to be homoerotic.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> (gif by [@deanfightswithmonsters](https://tmblr.co/mPUVVp2V7wllpTNHgC_QDIw))

I find this fascinating now, post 11.23, because both of these instances of hands– Mildred holding Dean’s hand/thigh as well as Dean and Gunner’s parallel hand/thigh moments– were essentially  _proxies_. Ineffective proxies, false leads, red herrings, as it were. And that’s exactly what the Hand of God objects turned out to be. And even what Chuck’s machinations were eventually revealed to be.

Mildred’s interest in Dean was a distraction. She admitted herself at the end of the episode that it was all just a bit of fun because she recognized there was someone else that Dean was truly pining for. She was just trying to make HIM aware of that. Likewise with Gunner, Dean had his illusions (fantasies?) about his childhood hero shattered during the episode. What things appeared to be on the surface had a far more tragic truth behind them. In the end, Gunner finally accepted the responsibility of his past poor choices and willingly gave in to his fate.

The Hands of God “weapons” also proved to be poor proxies for the real thing. Even Chuck’s ongoing attempts to push the blame for Amara’s release onto Dean, and his responsibility for handling Amara off onto Lucifer, and then Dean, onto the We Happy Few coalition and pretty much ANYONE other than himself were representational of those ineffective proxies. Like Gunner, after all his other options to dodge responsibility for his past choices failed, Chuck FINALLY did stand up and face his problems directly in reuniting with Amara.

So yeah, those Hands references really did lead somewhere.

 

 

[spn 11.11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.11) [spn 11.15](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.15) [parallels](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/parallels) [spn 11.22](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.22) [spn 11.23](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.23) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy)


	16. Chapter 16

[Jul 22, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/147804631530/12-so-this-is-random-and-just-something-that)

35 notes

**Anonymous asked: (1/2) So this is random and just something that popped into my head, but Dean's inability to hurt Amara, and him even acting concerned/worried about her kinda reminded me of how Dean was towards Cas when he went all Godstiel. To quote Dean himself "i get it, there are some people you just *can't*." If i remember correctly, Sam actually was the one that had to try to kill Cas; Dean could not. But again, there's a VERY notable distinction.**

> (2/2) Dean’s unwillingness/inability to hurt Cas was far more based in choice and actual, real feelings and emotions. He couldn’t hurt Cas because he couldn’t bring himself to out of love for Cas. Dean couldn’t/wouldn’t hurt Amara because of a forced bond and clouded emotions/feelings that Dean really didn’t even feel. I just like how it further differentiates Dean and Cas’s bond vs. how Dean and Amara’s was. Plus, Dean couldn’t hurt Cas but Sam–also Ca’s friend–could, WONDER WHY???:P

Okay, I was saving this message to answer after I’d had a little more coffee and time to ponder, and I do agree that there were major differences between Dean’s actions and behavior and reasons for acting differently toward Cas-As-God in 7.01 and toward Amara in early s11. But I want to start off with the one thing I’m not entirely sure of– that it was, in fact, Dean’s intention, or even really Sam’s intention, to kill Cas at all in that scene in 7.01.

To quote Dean there, it was a pretty messed up situation.

Remember, this was only DAYS after finding out about Cas’s betrayal and lies. 6.20-7.01 can run as one long episode. They smoosh together in my mind the same way 10.22-11.03 do, and 11.18-11.23 do. And there was A LOT going on there.

I don’t think Dean OR Sam’s first thought when dealing with godstiel was MURDER HIM! I do think Dean was hoping to break through, to reach the Cas he knew and loved. At the end of 6.22, Sam wasn’t exactly in his right mind, you know? He’d just reassembled himself after Cas broke his wall. He was dealing with all the hell memories, Hallucifer, and had a pretty tenuous grip on reality. Plus he’d just watched as Cas snapped his fingers and blown up Raphael. Obviously Cas was INCREDIBLY powerful, not acting like himself, and here he had Sam, Dean, and Bobby at his mercy.

Dean was STILL trying to talk him down, to convince him to disarm himself and put all those souls back into Purgatory where they belonged. I think he truly believed (or at least profoundly hoped) that he could reach Cas in there,  _his Cas._ The one who always came when he called… (which Cas said to Dean just ONE EPISODE PRIOR, i.e. ONLY A DAY OR TWO BEFORE THESE EVENTS). Dean was still hoping that Cas– the real Cas– could hear him.

As for Sam, by 7.02 we get a pretty clear idea of HIS headspace here, with Dean having to track him down after his hallucinations of Lucifer proved so powerful that he was lured into a trap set by his own mind and nearly shot Dean. SAM NEARLY SHOT DEAN. So I don’t give too much credence to the fact that Sam stabbed Cas (or Godstiel, as it were) one episode prior as having been doing what Dean couldn’t. He really wasn’t in his right mind.

Appreciate my terrible gif-making “skills.” Pffft.

Dean was appalled both at the fact that Sam stabbed Cas, and at the fact that Cas was then unwilling to “fix” Sam’s broken wall like he’d promised. That’s when Dean began to fear that  _his_  Cas might really be lost to him.

It becomes clear in the next scene that Dean and Bobby had left Sam behind to go hunt down and try to stop Cas on their own that night, and that Sam hadn’t been involved in the planning of their mission because he’d been entirely out of it since Cas broke his wall. Sam had no idea what was even going on with Cas when he attacked him. It was not part of their plan, at all. Sam was the Wild Card who staggered into the party 15 minutes late, as it were.

So what did Dean do after this? Threw himself into what he  _could_  control. Fixing Baby. Just like he did way back in 2.02. He was barely coping, with Sam’s instability and Cas’s coldness toward him as if Dean had truly meant nothing to him all along. I mean, we’re mere DAYS on from Dean telling Cas he’s the closest thing he has to family, he’s like a brother, and asks him to please stop. And then Cas turning around and using that same plea to try and secure Dean’s help with the Purgatory plan.

By the time they lasso Death to help take down Godstiel, Cas is referring to any of his previous feelings about Dean as “nostalgia.”

NOSTALGIA.

Everything they’d suffered through for each other, rebelling against heaven, fighting the apocalypse, all the sacrifices and pain they’d been through amounted to  _nostalgia_  for Cas? Ouch. Way to kick a guy when he’s down, Cas.

So yeah, there were a LOT of mixed up feelings around the whole Godstiel debacle. By the end of 7.01, Cas finally comes around and promises Dean he’ll “redeem himself,” and not to the world, or to heaven, or to humanity. But TO DEAN. SPECIFICALLY. TO ONE GUY.

That included fixing Sam’s wall, repairing the damage he’d done to his relationship with Dean… everything. But it was too late. The Leviathans held on and took over, and Dean never got his resolution with Cas. In that one moment before, though, he had a few seconds of feeling like everything was going to finally be okay again. And then it was ripped away from him.

Cue the season of Dick.

Everything that happened surrounding the whole Purgatory Souls scenario was 100% pure Dean. What he went through with Amara, though…

*I went spelunking through my past posts on the subject and rather than restate a bunch of stuff here… have some links:

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/132686384513/i-read-your-thing-about-the-soulless-dean-thing> (written on November 6, 2015)

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/144666150158/ive-always-seen-deans-attraction-to-amara-as>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/145724727505/dean-as-the-perfect-vessel-and-how-it-saved-the>

*and it’s wild that I can find my own meta posts faster on lizbob’s blog than my own… I need a more efficient tagging system*

I don’t think Dean was actually “concerned” or “worried” about Amara in the “I have legitimate feelings for this person and care about their well being” kind of way. He was definitely concerned that he was apparently paralyzed and powerless in her presence, in a way nearly identical to how powerless he’d been when the Mark had taken over him and made him lose control.

I mean, the kind of control Amara seems to have over Dean inspires the same sort of terror and fear that the Mark’s control over him did. Back from 10.09, THIS is how the Mark’s thrall left Dean feeling when he was released from it:

  


([x](http://canonspngifs.tumblr.com/post/133971605350/dean-winchester-crush-deans-nightmare-season))

And this was just his NIGHTMARE about it. Which he awoke from in a sweaty and terrified daze. The reality– when this nightmare played out for real by the end of 10.09– was in many ways even  _worse_.

In the beginning of S11, Dean thought that all of his difficulties with being controlled by a force greater than himself were in his past. When Amara showed up and forced this same kind of control over Dean’s actions on him, and he was essentially helpless to act of his own free will in her presence despite having been freed of the Mark, can you imagine how horrifying that must’ve been for him?

Oh gosh. Does any of this even relate to your original question? *scrolls up to check*

Okay. Sort of. *sighs at self for running off down all the tangents*

Dean’s bond with Cas versus Dean’s “bond” with Amara. Right.

He may not have originally chosen to be bound to Cas. It’s not like he asked or expected to be yoinked out of hell by an angel, you know? But after years of working together they both have now willingly and freely chosen to stand by each other so many times that they’ve become family. It’s a bond that Dean and Cas both have reinforced yet again all the way through the end of 11.23. Whatever mystical mojo-related reason that bound them together at the beginning has been far outstripped by their repeated  _choice_ to treat each other like family.

Dean may have originally chosen to take the Mark on (not understanding the full consequences of that action), but he denied his connection to its influence over him at every turn. And he rejected his connection to Amara at every turn, too.

In the first scenes of 11.01 when he’s describing what he experienced in the Darknado to Sam, Dean describes her as “evil.” I mean, obviously his opinion on that changes as the season progresses. She’s not evil, she just is what she is. But she tells him that she was the original Mark, and the Mark is something Dean knows intimately. He knows what it made him do, what it made him  _become_. And he has rejected that from the start of the whole MoC arc. Of course he would continue to reject his seeming “bond” with her at every turn. He only needed the strength to deny her to her face, which came from truly understanding himself, and what Amara was actually seeking.

Dean was merely a proxy for that, and when he finally understood that in 11.23, he was able to reach back to her and help her find what she’d been missing all along.

 

[oh DEAN](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-DEAN) [castiel winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/castiel-winchester) [sam fucking winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/sam-fucking-winchester) [who is amara?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/who-is-amara%3F) [i'll tell you who she is: she's the thing that proved the profound bond with science](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/i%27ll-tell-you-who-she-is%3A-she%27s-the-thing-that-proved-the-profound-bond-with-science) [of course one of dean's requirements for beings he's bound to is that they enjoy a good cheeseburger](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/of-course-one-of-dean%27s-requirements-for-beings-he%27s-bound-to-is-that-they-enjoy-a-good-cheeseburger) [but dean already had a 'more profound bond' with cas](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-dean-already-had-a-%27more-profound-bond%27-with-cas) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [gosh some of my old tags are fun aren't they?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/gosh-some-of-my-old-tags-are-fun-aren%27t-they%3F) [spn 10.09](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-10.09)[spn 11.23](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.23) [spn 11.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.01) [spn 6.22](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-6.22) [spn 6.20](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-6.20) [spn 7.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-7.01) [spn 7.02](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-7.02) [there's too many episodes to tag them all](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/there%27s-too-many-episodes-to-tag-them-all) [i have no idea if i've even properly answered your question anon friend but i hope i did...](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/i-have-no-idea-if-i%27ve-even-properly-answered-your-question-anon-friend-but-i-hope-i-did...) [Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> archived here in case tumblr links don't just... die forever...

[have no idea if i've even properly answered your question anon friend but i hope i did...](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/i-have-no-idea-if-i%27ve-even-properly-answered-your-question-anon-friend-but-i-hope-i-did...) [Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous)

[Sep 22, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/150801344705/idk-if-youve-talked-about-this-before-but-if-so)

10 notes

**Anonymous asked: idk if you've talked about this before but if so ignore it - do you mind sharing your thoughts on the 'amara waves her hand over cas' heart and finds dean' thing in conjunction with the whole 'follow your heart' theme that's been going on for dean? also, do you think that theme will continue in s12?**

HAVE I TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE *prepares 50 page powerpoint presentation and hauls out three large boxes of leaflets*

Actually, I’m just scrolling through my 11.21 tag and gonna link some posts, in reverse chronological order: (sorry it took a while I’ve got over 300 posts in that tag…)

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/145377171540/hi-soooo-the-fact-amara-was-hurt-when-she>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144728541280/elizabethrobertajones-mostly-for-filing>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144405480490/the-profound-bond-why-all-the-hand-prints>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144309557260/castiel-knight-of-hell-amara-was-waving-her>

 

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144323850405/ltleflrt-mittensmorgul-clusterjam-i-just>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144319413060/pyro-genesis-mittensmorgul-i-need-someone>

<http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144319320725/throughfireandice-for-mittensmorgul>

I think that’s a pretty decent start?

And I would LOVE to talk about it forever and a day, but I’ve been out for the last 6+ hours, just got home, and have essentially gotten nothing done all day. I’m two days behind on editing… It’s just a mess around here… :D

So… I guess I’m assigning homework? If there’s something specific you have more questions about, please feel free to come back and ask!

Hopefully by then I won’t be so overwhelmed with stuff. :D

 

 

[spn 11.21](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.21) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [castiel winchester](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/castiel-winchester) [oh DEAN](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-DEAN) [who is amara?](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/who-is-amara%3F)[i'm so sorry anon i really would typically have written you an essay on the subject](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/i%27m-so-sorry-anon-i-really-would-typically-have-written-you-an-essay-on-the-subject) [but I'm basically swamped today](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/but-I%27m-basically-swamped-today) [luckily i've already written multiple essays on the subject :P](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/luckily-i%27ve-already-written-multiple-essays-on-the-subject-%3AP)[Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous)


	18. Chapter 18

[Oct 28, 2016](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/152426334030/what-do-you-think-about-the-on-the-road)

97 notes

**Anonymous asked: What do you think about the On the road references? We had an agent Cassidy and Moriarty in the same episode.**

Oh, wow. You know, I didn’t even notice that >.>

Agent Cassidy was a [Partridge Family](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FThe_Partridge_Family&t=NGYwYmMzZjA4M2NjODVjNTI5NmRmODBlY2YzMWY1Y2VhOWY5MTAwYixaNzhmaDJ5cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F152426334030%2Fwhat-do-you-think-about-the-on-the-road&m=1) reference. Mary’s alias was “Shirley Partridge” (played on the show by Shirley Jones). But Sam and Dean’s aliases were not the names of their characters, but the actors who played them. I mean, otherwise they ALL would’ve been “Agent Partridge,” but it was super awkward to me because of that.

They had this “fake” family (like the family on the show, actors hired to perform being a family), but Mary didn’t choose the actor’s name, she chose the character’s name. Like she was “acting” even more than Sam and Dean had even realized. Dean and Sam took the names of actors for their aliases (Cassidy and Bonaduce). I don’t know how familiar anyone is with the show, but it was about a musical family who (because the kid played by Danny Bonaduce, Sam’s alias, took the initiative to get in touch with a talent agent to book them a professional gig) painted up an old Chevy bus and went to Vegas to become famous. The show “crossed over” into real life, and “The Partridge Family” actually  _did_  release albums and tour as a musical act. Heck, they were nominated for a Grammy award for Best New Artist.

The show’s theme song? “C’mon Get Happy.” Their biggest hit? “I Think I Love You.”

What’s Dean been trying to do since Mary got back, if not hoping everyone will just “Get Happy.”

Also, just a random SPN trivia tidbit, David Cassidy (Dean’s Partridge Family alias) is the real-life father of actress Katie Cassidy (aka Ruby 1.0).

But in the spirit of “reading ALL the readings,” and why should you mean one thing when you can easily mean five or six, because the show IS giving us the metatextual linzer torte this season…

Dean Moriarty, the character in On The Road that we’ve long known was a partial inspiration for our Dean (Kripke’s said this numerous times), was a fictionalized version of Kerouak’s friend Neal Cassady. In this episode, “Moriarty” was a ghost who was holding on to a “fictional family” and keeping them trapped in the past. I made a quick post last night as I watched about how Mary paralleled the ghost’s feelings with John’s, but it also works (layers upon layers again!) as a parallel for DEAN and how he has been desperately trying to hang on to the ghosts of his own past, and his notions of how their family should just “Get Happy” now because they’re all back together again.

So, Dean, aka Cassady, watched his “fictionalized” self go up in flames. After being beaten down by that ghost, pinned to the wall, thrown across the room, burned with a handprint…

*okay, can we talk about how the handprints haven’t let up one iota since s11? paging [@bluestar86](https://tmblr.co/m-wUC-tY8dlf7K9XGjK6Xkw)* *because I about jumped off the couch screaming over it last night* *but i’ll save that for another post because tangent much?*

At the end of the episode when Mary left, Dean experienced a similar sort of flame-out of the ghosts of his own past that the ghost of Moriarty did when Sam burned his corpse.

Also, nice Cask of Amontillado reference there >.> *also saving that for another post*

Interesting to note that Neal Cassady died from an overdose of “-barbital drugs” similar to what Dean had taken in 11.17. Dean survived that, though. I only bring it up here because that episode was ALSO written by Bobo Berens.

I don’t even know where to go from here. There is so much.

S12, the season that caused a meta overdose and killed us all.

 

 

[Anonymous](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Anonymous) [spn 12.03](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-12.03) [spn s12 spoilers](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-s12-spoilers) [oh DEAN](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/oh-DEAN) [using aliases even if half the time they start calling each other by their real names](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/using-aliases-even-if-half-the-time-they-start-calling-each-other-by-their-real-names) [this is a bobo berens appreciation blog](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-is-a-bobo-berens-appreciation-blog) [dabb is giving us the subtext equivalent of a linzer torte here there's like 15 layers of delicious to enjoy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/dabb-is-giving-us-the-subtext-equivalent-of-a-linzer-torte-here-there%27s-like-15-layers-of-delicious-to-enjoy) [spn 11.17](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.17)[this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [that was my s11 tag but they seem to be going full steam ahead on that particular theme in s12 too so there you go](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/that-was-my-s11-tag-but-they-seem-to-be-going-full-steam-ahead-on-that-particular-theme-in-s12-too-so-there-you-go) [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here-have-my-belated-thoughts-on-the-whole-love...-and-love)


	19. Chapter 19

#  [We’re down the Bunny Hole…](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/157283463025/were-down-the-bunny-hole)

[Feb 15, 2017](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/157283463025/were-down-the-bunny-hole)

89 notes

I was just watching 8.03 again, and Sam and Dean’s final talk with Betsy/Eleanor here made me sit up and pay attention:

> SAM: When did you find out about this?  
> MRS HOLMES: Not until I began to age and – and Brick – Kelly, as he was when I met him – did not.  **But by that time, Brick himself had changed… inside. He wasn’t just the warrior whose only reason for living was combat. He – we were deeply, deeply in love. So in love, I’m ashamed to say, that when I found out that – how my husband stayed young and strong, I chose to ignore it.**  
>  SAM: You and Brick had to go underground from time to time to hide your secret, right?  
> MRS HOLMES: Every ten years or so, he would, uh, re-emerge with a new look, a new name. And me, I was the wife, and I was the woman in hiding, and then, when I got into my forties, I became Brick’s mother. Eleanor. I am so tired. You can’t imagine the burden of it all. I think even Brick was through. He could see the end of my days were at hand, and…  **He had lived centuries all alone, but I don’t think he could bear the thought of life without me**. That’s why he drove off that bridge. You must think I’m a monster.  
> DEAN: No. No, just that you married one. Well, see, here’s the deal. Now there are eight killers out there that we have to deal with, not just one.  
> MRS HOLMES: I don’t think so.  
> SAM: What? Why not?  
> MRS HOLMES:  **Brick used to say the heart was key. That was the focus of the sacrifice.**  
>  DEAN: Are you saying that if we stop Brick’s beating heart, then we could stop the whole thing?  
> MRS HOLMES nods.

*bolding mine, obviously*

And in the previous episode, 8.02, we had Heaven’s Most Adorable Angel– Alfie/Samandriel– tell us “too much heart was always Castiel’s problem.” Tying Cas to heart imagery… and I know this was meta-established back when these episodes originally aired, but I think this is still evolving now in s12. I’ve got so many tags for love-related themes (and even the opening song for s9 was “Who do you love.” I mean… they’re hammering hearts and love and love into us as major ongoing themes. Here, for reference purposes:

  * [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love… and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here%20have%20my%20belated%20thoughts%20on%20the%20whole%20love...%20and%20love) (general love stuff)
  * [Grand Unification via Love Theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/Grand%20Unification%20via%20Love%20Theory) (aka how I called basically all of s11 and am still gloating about that fact)
  * [follow your heart dean](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/follow%20your%20heart%20dean) (s11 pining meta mostly)
  * [because why not maybe the lock and key are a function of hands and hearts](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/because%20why%20not%20maybe%20the%20lock%20and%20key%20are%20a%20function%20of%20hands%20and%20hearts) (a lot of the s11 hearts metas were also tied to the hands metas), most of those things are also filed under [and hands and hearts are part of that i’ll just slap it on here anyway](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/and%20hands%20and%20hearts%20are%20part%20of%20that%20i'll%20just%20slap%20it%20on%20here%20anyway)
  * [this season’s getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this%20season's%20getting%20handsy) (which i’ve recently resurrected because it seems like it’s becoming relevant again in s12)



Okay, now back to  then we see [this sign on the strip club](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.homeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D160%26pid%3D186542%23top_display_media&t=NTJlODgxODRiMmZkMjVmMWExNTNkN2FiOWUzZDY4OTEyYjA5NmMwZSx2emJhRE1BMQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AgQ2jjt29OviG-kJJpyAysQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmittensmorgul.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157283463025%2Fwere-down-the-bunny-hole&m=1) where they’d tracked Randa, who was in possession of Brick’s heart:

The Bunny Hole. Which in light of 12.11 makes me think of all the “Down the rabbit hole” references. ([and Dean with an actual bunny](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/157164461935/lemondropsonice-the-my-little-random-moments-of))

I mean… the first time I saw that strip club sign I tied all those references back to Purgatory.. “Misty Love,” “Exotic Angel Fire,” “Brandy Fox.” Tell me Dean’s not the Fox in that metaphor, eluding capture by the hounds of Purgatory while he tried to escape with his Exotic Angel? Aah, misty love…

But the bunny… and s12… and the extension of the hands and hearts and love and love themes all through s9, s10, and s11… combined with Brick giving up his immortality for a “forbidden love.” I mean…

okaaaaay.

Because what question has been posed to Cas all down this line? What are you, an angel or a man? Who are you? Where do you belong? What choice would you make? Who do you love?

And these same questions are being posed to Dean in 12.11. Who are you? Who do you love? WHAT ARE YOU? What is family? 

This is still a major theme in the narrative. We’re still down the bunny hole.

 

 

[spn 8.03](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-8.03) [spn 12.11](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-12.11) [BUDDY THE BUNNY!](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/BUDDY-THE-BUNNY%21) [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here-have-my-belated-thoughts-on-the-whole-love...-and-love) [the scheherazade of supernatural](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/the-scheherazade-of-supernatural) [grand unification via love theory](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/grand-unification-via-love-theory) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [because why not maybe the lock and key are a function of hands and hearts](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/because-why-not-maybe-the-lock-and-key-are-a-function-of-hands-and-hearts)


	20. Chapter 20

[Apr 6, 2017](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/159269746125/401-sparks-flew-for-all-your-401-three-day)

33 notes

4.01: *sparks flew*

(For all your 4.01 Three Day Deancasversary needs, please see [my extensive post on the subject](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/150588850830/the-three-day-deancasversary), as well as [my tag for that](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20deancasversary). This post is gonna mainly focus on the big meta themes as they relate to s12… so a lot of stuff about lying and trust mostly :P)

Dean crawls out of his grave, and I love this whole scene.

Handprint.

Cas tries to chat. Here’s a translation:

HELLO DEAN. IT IS I CASTIEL WHO SAVED YOUR SOUL AND RESTORED YOUR BODY AND CONVENIENTLY PLACED YOU IN YOUR GRAVE. WE NEED TO HAVE AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION ARE YOU FREE NOW?

Until he sees Dean cowering in pain and fear and decides maybe it’s not a good time…

Dean doesn’t usually lie about Big Important Stuff, but when it comes to Hell, he’s got a lot of baggage. On top of the things he suffered through there, there’s also what he DID there… and what’s the point of dragging all that horror out and burdening his loved ones with it… It’s done, nothing he can do to change it now, so he lies:

**BOBBY** : What do you remember?  
 **DEAN** : Not much. I remember I was a Hellhound’s chew toy, and then… lights out. Then I come to six feet under, that was it.

Meanwhile, even though Bobby hasn’t been in touch with Sam for a while (sort of like how Sam went off the rails in 3.11), Dean instantly knows exactly how to track Sam down.

Compared to Dean’s lie about his time in Hell in order to spare his family the horror of the truth, Sam’s lie to Dean here was to spare HIMSELF, from Dean’s judgment…

Everything from how he’s working with Ruby to what he’s been doing for the last few months. Even Bobby didn’t know:

**SAM** : Well, once I figured out I couldn’t save you, I started hunting down Lilith, trying to get some payback.  
 **BOBBY** : (accusing) All by yourself. Who do you think you are, your old man?

and oh… Sam says he’s not using his “freaky ESP crap”

**DEAN** : You sure about that? Well, I mean, now that you’ve got… immunity, whatever the hell that is… just wondering what other kind of weirdo crap you’ve got going on.  
 **SAM** : Nothing, Dean. Look, you didn’t want me to go down that road, so I didn’t go down that road. It was practically your dying wish.  
 **DEAN** : Yeah, well, let’s keep it that way.

Poor Pamela loses her eyes to Castiel, but Dean now has his name.

They’re confronted by a demon while in a cafe. Dean doesn’t get to eat his pie because of it, but still ends up paying for said pie…

**SAM** : We’re not just going to leave them in there, are we, Dean?  
 **DEAN** : Well yeah, there’s three of them, probably more, and we’ve only got one knife between us.  
 **SAM** : I’ve been killing a lot more demons than that lately.  
 **DEAN** : Not anymore – the smarter brother’s back in town.  
 **SAM** : Dean, we’ve got to take ‘em. They are dangerous.  
 **DEAN** : They’re scared. Okay? Scared of whatever had the juice to yank me out. We’re dealing with a bad mofo here. One job at a time.

Yeah, in this instance, Dean’s definitely “the smarter brother,” mostly because he isn’t under the influence of Ruby (and her demon blood, and four months of her working to chip away at Sam’s moral compass…) But Dean was right. He called the demon’s bluff. Sam just… doesn’t have that skill at reading people.

Sam sneaks off with the Impala to go back and stake out that diner full of demons without Dean knowing about it. Dean is awakened by his second “call” from Cas (mirrors shatter!) and he realizes Sam is gone, Frankly the biggest “tell” here is Sam’s excuse that he’d gone out TO GET A BURGER in the middle of the night… I mean, Sam and Dean are doing the exact same thing here. If Dean knew Sam had gone back to kill those demons alone, he would’ve tried to stop Sam. Meanwhile Dean lies to Sam, that he and Bobby are headed out to a bar for a drink, which seems a lot more plausible than Sam wanting a burger… 

But that’s also Dean’s “standard answer” because it IS such a believable lie. He’s still using it in s12, such as when he told Sam at the beginning of 12.14 that he was going out to a bar. Yet he returned home a short while later looking completely sober, and still looking to get that drink…

**BOBBY** : Why the hell didn’t you tell him?  
 **DEAN** : Because he’d just try to stop us.  
 **BOBBY** : From what?  
 **DEAN** : Summoning this thing.

But the look on Dean’s face as he’s telling this to Bobby, Dean at least suspects that Sam was lying to him…

**DEAN** : Bobby, whatever this is, whatever it wants, it’s after me. That much we know, right? I’ve got no place to hide. I can either get caught with my pants down again, or we can make our stand.  
 **BOBBY** : Dean, we could use Sam on this.  
 **DEAN** : Nah, he’s better off where he is.

Because Dean’s figured out where he is, and suspects exactly what he’s doing… He confronts the demon with its eyes burned out, then uses his freaky ESP thing to exorcise it, and we learn that the girl he was with before is actually Ruby. That’s a whole heckuva lotta lies coming out all at once. But unlike Dean’s “sparing his family from knowing about his suffering and the horrors he committed in Hell” lie, Sam’s is entirely based on EVERYTHING Dean told him to steer clear of (It was practically your dying wish!). Sam’s compromised himself, and we see that he trusts Ruby completely.

Thus begins the Season Of Sam’s Lies.

**RUBY** : Sam, he’s going to find out, and if it’s not from you he’s going to be pissed.  
 **SAM** : He’s going to be pissed anyway. I mean, he’s so hardheaded about this psychic stuff he’ll just try and stop me.  
 **RUBY** : Look. Maybe I’ll just take a step back for a while.  
 **SAM** : Ruby, you…  
 **RUBY** : I mean, I’m not exactly in your brother’s fanclub. But he is your brother, and I’m not going to come between you.  
 **SAM** : I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. Hell, I don’t even know if I trust you.  
 **RUBY** : Thanks.  
 **SAM** : But what I do know is that I’m saving people. And stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going.

Oh, Sammy…

*barn shakes, lights explode, nerd angel enters*

*love at first stab*

(I swear this gets better every time I watch it, and I’ve probably watched it 50 times)

Okay I got nothing from that whole last scene but the chills. Oh, and that Dean’s been chosen by God. Which I’m sure isn’t a theme that was confirmed in 11.22 and 11.23 with that whole “firewall between darkness and light” thing… Dean’s not the agent of Heaven, he’s the agent of Humanity, Free Will, and Balance. it’s just gonna take him a long time before he truly fulfills that destiny. It’ll take him fighting against God’s plans for him, and then Amara’s plans for him, and becoming that point of balance between them.

 

 

[spn 4.01](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-4.01) [s12 meta rewatch](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/s12-meta-rewatch) [seriously though why doesn't everyone just trust dean's gut instincts it's like he's got an uncanny magical gift here...](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/seriously-though-why-doesn%27t-everyone-just-trust-dean%27s-gut-instincts-it%27s-like-he%27s-got-an-uncanny-magical-gift-here...) [lies and damn lies](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/lies-and-damn-lies) [sam vs reality](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/sam-vs-reality)[this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [order vs chaos and darkness vs light](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/order-vs-chaos-and-darkness-vs-light)


	21. Chapter 21

[Aug 24, 2017](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/164568969480/todays-jaunt-through-the-tnt-loop-hit-the-part-of)

22 notes

Today’s jaunt through the TNT loop hit the part of s11 that points the car toward the finish line and revs the engine. 11.15-11.18  (and really 11.14 is where it starts, but I watched that one yesterday, so it feels weird to include it in a post specifically about what I’m watching today… stupid brain refusing to organize itself more practically) takes the themes of the season spelled out in the triptych of 11.11, 11.12, and 11.13 and begins driving them home with purpose.

Amara and the Darkness hang like a metaphorical raincloud of escalating depression over this run of episodes, contrasted with the light and power of the Hands of God “weapons” that equally elude their grasp. The larger metaphorical and thematic struggle of the season plays out offscreen for the most part, since these two opposing fundamental forces of the universe– creation vs destruction, light vs darkness, order vs chaos (hello my old friends my s11 meta tags!)– are where the main a-plot action of the season is happening. We see that cosmic struggle through the lens of what TFW are struggling with.

As above, so below. Gabriel once referred to that concept (in 5.08) to explain why Sam and Dean were the “perfect vessels” for Michael and Lucifer. It’s the same concept as “the river shall end at its source,” as Metatron once said. And it’s[ the essential narrative structure of the entire series](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/160988290690/12-while-i-do-not-ask-this-to-be-negative-at) as far as the individual character arcs are concerned. S11 is where this entire concept pivots around and shows us the pivot point– Dean Winchester, the firewall between light and darkness. Chuck and Amara both literally pointed at him as their exemplar, and in 11.23 he (armed with the power of Humanity) became the vehicle that finally united them both. Such is the power of the duality of humanity the show (and Dean specifically) has been wrestling with for years (hello entire MoC arc summed up in the themes of 10.11).

I know I’ve written about Dean’s descent into depression over the Cas-Lucifer situation, and there are hundreds of posts on my blog in the tags for these episodes detailing all of this already. But I can’t help it. Dammit, s11 let me love you.

in 11.15, we find Dean already packed to head out to The Hangman’s funeral. He’s concerned for Cas, but that concern hasn’t hit DESPERATION levels yet. He’s still rational, still hasn’t really come to grips with what they can do about Cas yet beyond being positive that Cas WANTS to be saved. He’s still at loose ends over his own confession about how incapable he feels in Amara’s presence, but is still confident that Sam is handling that end of the research for now.

11.16 escalates his growing depression and frustration at any lack of progress despite the “win” he’d had in 11.15 and the reaffirmation of the whole “keep grinding” theme. What they believe will be an easy vengeful spirit case turns out to hit very close to home, bringing them back to the comparable feeling of frustrated desperation of the apocalypse era by literally existing in both times at once via the Soul Eater’s nest. It may not have been the easy win Sam had hoped it would be, but it was still a necessary diversion that allowed them to set their own pasts (via saving Bobby from the Soul Eater) to rights. A major theme of s12, as well– rectifying their own past via Mary’s resurrection and personally coming to terms with their own legacy via the Men of Letters.

11.17 opens with Dean reaching a state of abject depression over their inability to gain any ground on either the hunt for Amara or a way to save Cas, and for the first time he drags his heels on taking on a case that Sam suggests could be a good distraction for them. Sam is clearly concerned for Dean, and despite Dean including Amara, Lucifer, and the Hands of God in the list of things they’re trying to handle, Sam narrows Dean’s reasons for wanting to hand this suspected case over to another hunt to one singular point:

**Dean** : All right, well, we make a call and we put somebody on it.  
 **Sam** : Yeah, but… [He sighs, closes his laptop and looks at Dean].  **We’ll get him back.**  
 **Dean** : How?  
 **Sam** : I… I don’t know. But we’ll figure it out. Meantime, we got to get out of here. Clear our heads. I mean, this is a case. Let’s do what we do. Let’s work it.

None of their other pressing concerns is weighing on Dean like Cas is. That one line is the foundation for the rest of the action in the entire episode. Poor dumb Corbin had no idea just how badly he underestimated Dean in forcing his hand by “killing” Sam, and selfishly using a rational mathematical argument to push Dean into walking away from his brother there. The underlying hesitation and depression Dean had been fighting through BECAUSE SAM HAD ASKED HIM TO HELP ON THIS CASE, because SAM had been trying to help get Dean out of his own head for a few days, essentially washed away when Corbin killed him.

When he finds Sam dead, Dean’s ready to give up everything. It had been SAM who’d kept him going, who’d given him a reason to “keep grinding.” Without Sam, Dean had lost hope for everything else.

It was Michelle who gave Dean a reason to keep fighting right there, and the walk through the woods to save her gave Dean enough time and space to reorganize his priorities. And it was Michelle again reminding him of Billie’s threat of the Empty that spurred him into desperate action yet again. It brought back the reminder that Dean was helpless to deal with Amara on his own, and that it was Sam that the fate of the entire universe was resting on.

And it was his chat with Billie there that finally taught him that the universe didn’t really care about fate… It gave him the push to begin fighting the depression and helplessness that was metaphorically the “thrall” Amara had over him.

11.18 is where Dean begins taking back the reins of his own fate. It’s also the first time he faces Amara and is able to ignore her completely, calling out for Cas instead. He’s begun to disconnect himself from the power she’s had over him since he took the Mark of Cain, because he chose something different. It’s also where we distinctly see the difference between Sam and Dean’s relationship with Cas, and the seeds are sown for expanding on that difference in s12.

**Sam** : I thought Lucifer had a shot. Apparently, uh, archangel plus God power doesn’t trump God’s sister.  
 **Dean** : But if the thing has to be used by God’s chosen, then maybe an archangel who got the boot doesn’t qualify. Either way, horn’s out of ammo, so…  
 **Sam** : So, back to square one.  
 **Dean** : Yep. [Sighing.]  
 **Sam** : Listen, um… I know I came down on the side of wanting Cas to deal with Amara, so…  
 **Dean** : Well, that’s what he wanted, though, right? Besides, didn’t we say that we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other doesn’t agree with?  
 **Sam** : Yeah, um… Yeah, we did say that.  
 **Dean** : So…  
 **Sam** : Okay. So, that’s our policy.  
 **Dean** : Which sounds damn good. [Sam chuckles.] Well, let’s go find that idiot and bring him home.

Yes, their policy is to honor the other’s choices, but Cas’s choice to say yes to Lucifer has played out. He thought Lucifer could defeat her, and Lucifer failed. Cas had been wrong, but that only reinforced Dean’s need to save him now. From what Crowley said about Cas being unreachable because of Lucifer’s control over him, Dean understood that Cas couldn’t just kick Lucifer out on his own, despite now having proof that Lucifer either lied about being able to defeat Amara or was just wrong about it. Cas’s “choice to say yes” hinged on that promise, and now that it was null and void, they could save Cas without wondering if it’s what he’d actually want.

It was heartbreaking for Dean to watch Amara zap Cas away, but it was actually the shot of hope he’d been needing– the certainty that he needed to intervene in any way he could to rescue Cas.

Okay, I guess that’s enough jibberjabber about stuff I’ve already talked about ad nauseum. :P

 

 

[s12 hellatus rewatch](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/s12-hellatus-rewatch) [spn 11.15](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.15) [spn 11.16](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.16) [spn 11.17](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.17) [spn 11.18](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn-11.18) [the scheherazade of supernatural](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/the-scheherazade-of-supernatural) [*mittens attempts to become one with the universe amid the sea of duality*](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/%2Amittens-attempts-to-become-one-with-the-universe-amid-the-sea-of-duality%2A) [order vs chaos and darkness vs light](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/order-vs-chaos-and-darkness-vs-light) [it's spirals all the way down](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/it%27s-spirals-all-the-way-down) [and now the darkness](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/and-now-the-darkness) [this season's getting handsy](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this-season%27s-getting-handsy) [here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/here-have-my-belated-thoughts-on-the-whole-love...-and-love) [because why not maybe the lock and key are a function of hands and hearts](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/because-why-not-maybe-the-lock-and-key-are-a-function-of-hands-and-hearts) [holy crap it's fun to haul out all my s11 meta tags *makes out passionately with s11 meta tags*](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/holy-crap-it%27s-fun-to-haul-out-all-my-s11-meta-tags-%2Amakes-out-passionately-with-s11-meta-tags%2A)


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